Old and New Jokes

Un señor siempre pasaba por una tienda de animales en su camino diario, y cada vez que pasaba un loro le decía:

Ese que va ahí es puto, ese que va ahí es puto.

Pinche loro.

Esto era todos los días y el ya estaba cansado así que decidió disfrazarse para despistar al lorito.

Primero de licenciado.

Ese que va ahí es puto, ese que va ahí es puto.

Pinche loro hijo de…

Después de pirata.

Ese que va ahí es puto, ese que va ahí es puto.

Pinche loro culero.

Y así pasaba todos los dìas. Harto de esta situación se dijo para sí mismo.

Esta vez me voy a disfrazar de algo que no me pueda reconocer.

Al día siguiente pasa disfrazado de mujer.

¿No que no? ¿No que no?

Esto es un calvo que estaba acomplejado con su calva, entonces para ligar se ponía peluca.

Un buen día se ligó a una cegata. Una vez en la casa del calvo la cegata se va al baño para quitarse las gafas, en ese momento el calvo aprovecha para quitarse la peluca, cuando la cegata va a tientas a la cama empieza a tocar la cabeza del calvo y exclama:

¿Esta es la cabeza?

Sí, contesta el calvo.

Pues eso se lo vas a meter a tu puta madre.

I was having a bad day. For one thing I hadn’t slept well the previous night because of another loud party next door. On top of that, I felt a cold coming on. So I drove to the neighborhood drugstore, and ran in for a couple of minutes, just to get some cough drops. When I came out, there was a cop, writing a ticket for the expired parking meter.



“Give a girl a break, would you?” I asked him. He ignored me and went on writing. I called him a “pencil-necked Nazi.” He glared at me and began writing a second ticket for the expired city sticker. I called him a “horse’s ass,” and he began writing another ticket–for worn tires!!





I didn’t care. It wasn’t my car, but I’d recognized it as my noisy neighbor’s. I take my fun where I can get it.

There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Friends are like a head of hair.

You might lose some, but with enough money you can buy them back.

What did the fish say when he hit a wall? Dam!

A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating

hunger. What do men dream of?

Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

1.


Q: What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?


A: Genghis Cohen.

2.


Q: What did they call the new Jewish-Japanese restaurant?


A: So-Sue-Mi.

3.


Q: Define: Genius


A: A C student with a Jewish mother.

4.


Q: Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?


A: They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!

5.


Jewish people are the most optimistic people in the world.


They have some cut off before they even know how big it will get.