A man is sitting at home one evening when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach is standing there. The cockroach immediately punches him between the eyes and scampers off. The next evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there again. This time, it punches him, kicks him and karate chops him before running away. The third evening, the man is sitting at home when the doorbell rings. When he answers the door, the cockroach is there yet again. It leaps at him and stabs him several times before making off. The gravely injured man manages to crawl to the telephone and summon an ambulance. He is rushed to intensive care and they save his life. The next morning, the doctor is doing his rounds. He asks our hero what happened, so the man explains about the 6 foot cockroachs attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing. The doctor thinks for a moment and says, Yes, there is a nasty bug going around.
Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Do you believe in life after death? the boss asked one of his employees.
Yes, Sir. the new recruit replied.
Well, then, that makes everything just fine, the boss went on. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmothers funeral, she stopped in to see you
Un loro que vivÃa en un prostÃbulo tenÃa la manÃa de repetir todos los dÃas, a manera de queja, lo siguiente:
La misma casa, las mismas mujeres, los mismos clientes.
Al dÃa siguiente lo mismo. Las prostitutas lo amenazaban y él seguÃa diciendo:
La misma casa, las mismas mujeres, los mismos clientes.
AsÃ, todos los dÃas con lo mismo, hasta que un buen dÃa las meretrices le pegaron hasta dejarlo casi moribundo y lo botaron a la calle. En ese momento pasaban un par de monjas que tuvieron compasión del periquito y lo llevaron al convento. El ave, luego de recuperarse, se despierta en la iglesia, abre los ojos y se asombra exclamando:
Diferente casa, diferentes mujeres pero los mismos clientes.
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. In English, he said, A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.
A voice from the back of the room piped up, Yeah, right.
Just remember… if the world didnt suck, wed all fall off.
Theres this king in a far away land, revered and respected by his people and known for his generosity all around. He had a very beautiful wife, the pride of the land. It was said that even the moon would shy away from the sky when she came out into the night.
The king loved her deeply, and couldnt stay away from her for even a moment. It was not surprising, therefore, when the king had to go to battle to help a neighbouring land, he was very sad about leaving her alone. But she, like a good wife, built his confidence, and said: Go, duty beckons you. I shall be fine.
And so he went, only to find out that he was not needed, and the enemy had already been routed. Ecstatic at being reunited with his wife sooner than he thought, he rushed back to the palace, and went straight into the bedroom. To his astonishment, he found his wife lying naked in bed, and his most trusted Prime Minister on top of her, giving gratification. Enraged at the bitter betrayal, he pulled out his gleaming sword from its sheath, and proceeded towards the bed, screaming: Get off, you swine!
The Prime Minister, obviously startled at being caught, stumbled off the bed, his still erect penis glistening in the moonlight through the window.
This enraged the king even further, who attacked the traitors organ with his sword, only to hear a resounding Clang as the metal bounced off the reddened male hardness. Surprised, the King had another go… Clang! The Kings amazement knew no bounds, at something which so defied logic, and so he tried again. This time, the sword, not being able to withstand the shearing stress, broke into two, and fell to the floor.
Moral of the story – Pen is mightier than the sword!
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first Catholic woman tells her friends My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.
The second Catholic woman chirps, My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, Your Grace.
The third Catholic mother says, My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Eminence.
Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle, Well?
So she replies, My son is a gorgeous, 6 2, hard-bodied dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, Oh my God!
A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite directions on a curvy mountain road. The army man hits a patch of sand, swerves, and nails the Navy mans truck. They both exit their cars with no injuries, but their vehicles are ruined.Now, the rivalry between Army and Navy is well known, so needless to say a heated argument followed. Then suddenly the Navy man changed heart and said, "Hold on, this is dumb. It was an accident. Lets put this rivalry behind us." The army man agreed this was a good idea. So the navy man offered, "Why dont we celebrate our new friendship over a fifth of vodka? I have a bottle in the truck." The army man thought this was an excellent idea. So the navy man, being a gentleman, offered the army man the first drink, and told the army man to drink as much as he wanted. Soon half the bottle was gone and he offered the bottle back to the navy man who said, "Thanks, but Ill wait till after the cops get here!"
We have all heard of the ten commandments.
Well recently a new eleventh commandment was made. Just for President Clinton.
Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.