Happily Addicted to the Web (Sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland)
Doorbell rings, Im not listnin, From my mouth, drool is glistnin, Im happy–although My boss let me go– Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, Theres beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me,Saying, Yo, man! Dont you know tonights the senior prom? With a listless shrug, I mutter, No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!
I dont phone, dont send faxes, Dont go out, dont pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? Im happily addicted to the Web!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
1. If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
2. Once launched, they cannot be recalled.
3. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have a house thats mobile and five cars that arent.
Posted in Redneck |
You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.
You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.
You cant wait for the Saturday night square dance.
Posted in Redneck |
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.
Posted in Music |
Q: What is the difference between Whitewater and Watergate?
A: No one died in Watergate.
Posted in Political |
En un bufete de abogados se contrata a una nueva secretaria, que resulta ser una chica de pueblo bastante inocente. Un dÃa dos de los abogados están hablando de ella:
Con lo buena que esta MarÃa, me preocupa que se la pueda aprovechar algún buitre. Creo que deberÃamos hablar con ella para explicarle las cosas buenas y malas de la vida en la ciudad.
Listo, tú le explicas las cosas buenas.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
James!
James who!
James people play!
Posted in Knock-knock |
My wife brought this list home from the health centre last night.
Â
arterythe study of painting
bacteriaback door of a cafeteria
bariumwhat doctors do when patients die
bowela letter like A, E, I, O, U
caesarean sectiona neighbourhood in Rome
cat scanlooking for kitty
cauterisehad eye contact with her
comaa punctuation mark
D & Cwhere Washington is
dilateto live longer
enemanot a friend
festerquicker
fibulaa small lie
impotentdistinguished, well known
labour paingetting hurt at work
medical staffa doctors cane
nitratescheaper than day rates
nodewas aware of
outpatienta person who has fainted
pap smeara fatherhood test
pelvisa cousin of Elvis
recovery rooma place to do upholstery
rectumnearly killed em
secretionhiding something
seizureRoman emperor
tableta small table
terminal illnesa) getting sick at the airport
b) getting sick at your VDU
tumormore than one
urineopposite of youre out
varicosenearby
veinconceited
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and cries –
DOC, DOC…I cant feel my legs, I cant feel my legs!!!
Well of course you cant silly!, replies the Doc…
Ive cut off both of your arms.
Posted in General / Unsorted |