How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five-one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.
Posted in Lightbulb |
An Irishman was dying and his wife was at his bedside.
She says: Pat, youve been a wonderful husband all these years. Is there anything at all that I can do for you before you go.
Pat says: No Mary, nothing at all.
Mary says: Now Pat, isnt there a thing I can do for you.
Pat says: Mary, The priests been here, Ive been shriven. Theres nothing more to do.
Mary persists: Pat, tis forty and more years youve taken such good care of me and the kids. There has to be one more thing I can do for you before you die.
Pat says: Well Mary, is that one of your famous apple pies I smell baking in the oven?
She says: Yes it is, Pat.
He says: Well, if I could have one more piece of your famous apple pie before I go.
She says: The hell with you. Thats for the wake.
Posted in Ethnic |
Is there only one part of the body that has no blood supply? I think it depends on the person, for example:
For a Republican, its the brain
For some Democrats, its everywhere except way down there
For an IRS agent, well, they kinda suck all your blood anyway and they have no heart …
Post Office – If you look at how fast they move, the entire body.
John Bobbit – Well, you know the answer to this one
Posted in General / Unsorted |
There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, That was a karate chop from Korea.
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him,That was a karate chop from China.
The little guy got up and decided he wasnt going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and hes on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!
Posted in Bar |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Collier!
Collier who?
Collier big brother see if I care!
Posted in Knock-knock |
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.
Posted in Music |
Q: Whats the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
A: The pit bull doesnt carry a briefcase.
Posted in Political |
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, Awww, look at the dead birdie.
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, Where?
Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind tunnel.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You cant, they have always been like that.
Q: A blonde going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Q: How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write Please turn over on both sides of a piece of paper.
Posted in Blonde |
El padre Juan está jugando al golf con una monjita que hace las veces de cádit (ayudante). Al llegar al primer hoyo, el cura falla el golpe, y grita enojado:
¡Carajo! Fallé. ¡Me cago en Dios!
La monjita, asombrada, le dice:
¡Padre, por Dios! El Cielo lo va a castigar por decir malas palabras.
Llegan al segundo hoyo y el padre vuelve a fallar.
¡Mierda! Fallé. ¡Me cago en Dios!
Padre, por Dios, no vuelva a repetir eso.
Llegan al tercer hoyo y el padre ¡falla de nuevo!
¡Re-mierda! ¡Volvà a fallar! ¡Me cago en Dios!
Padre, ¡Dios lo va a castigar!
En ese momento comienza a formarse una nube negra sobre sus cabezas. Se oyen truenos y cae un rayo que fulmina a la monjita. Entonces se oye una voz:
¡LA PUTÃSIMA MADRE QUE ME PARIO! ¡FALLÉ! ¡ME CAGO EN MÃ!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other when one says,I chewed up all my masters shoes, and thats why Im here.
The next dog said,I peed on my masters $1,000 rug.
The next dog then comes in and says,My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!.
And thats why youre here? asked the other dogs. No, Im getting my nails clipped.
Posted in General / Unsorted |