Old and New Jokes

There was this lady who was in the shower & her little boy walked in on her taking a shower & he saw her pubic hairs & says:

Mommy whats that? as he pointed down to her.

Well, thats Mommys washcloth.

The next day he walked in on her again, & asked her again & she says it was her washcloth. Well, this time when he walked out she shaved it off because she got tired of him asking.

So the next day when he walked in on her, he asks:

Mommy what happened to your washcloth?

Uh, Mommy lost it. So the little boy walked out.

The next day he walked in on his mom & says:

Hey Mommy, the maid found your washcloth & she is washing Daddys face with it!

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
Just-beer Singh.

What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?
Just-one Singh.

What do you call a sikh females boyfriend?
Her Pal Singh

What do you call a sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a white flag in his hand? (This had appeared on SCI long long ago.)
Surrender Singh

Havent you ever had the urge to loose control when ordering that burrito or burger and drink combo?1. Ask for last months specials.2. Place your order in three different languages if you dont know any, make them up.3. When they repeat your order totally change it. Repeat as desired.4. Order a whopper from McDonalds, when they say they dont have whoppers insist that they do. If they still argue demand to see a manager then when you talk to them order a normal meal and say i dont know whats up with kids these days.5. Go to any burger joint and order Chinese.6. When ordering in the drive through, ask if its happy hour on draft beer.7. In summer turn stereo up full volume to Christmas music while ordering in drive through.8. Drive in the drive through, park, then go inside and order.9. Go through the drive through in reverse, again.10. Wait for the busiest time of day, after paying get out of car, get jack out of trunk and proceed to rotate tires.11. Check oil in drive through, possibly touch up the windscreen with some glass cleaner.12. Walk up to drive through window with hands in the air like your holding onto a steering wheel.13. Go through drive through and ask for directions to the place youre at.14. Go through drive through naked, excluding the rabbit slippers of course!15. Go inside and ask in a load voice if they got rid of the Ebola problems theyve been having16. Argue with your passenger (thats not there) and continue until you pay.17. When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog wont make up his mind.18. After eating half your meal return it and say you got the wrong thing and ask for a refund.19. As youre pulling away and they say Have a nice day! (with that retarded smile) put the car in reverse and ask them what the hell thats supposed to mean.20. Order something from one fast food place then go to another drive through when they give you you

Did you know that Rita McNeil has a tatoo of Canada on her butt?
Ya, every time she bends over Quebec seperates!

(The World-Famous Margaliot Joke Hotline Selection follows:)

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after
a long days trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills
out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting
in the lobby.

He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a
minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.

Fancy meeting my wife here, he says to the clerk. Guess Ill need a
double room for the night.

Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over
$3000. Whats the meaning of this? he yells at the clerk. Ive only
been here one night!

Yes, says the clerk, but your wife has been here for three weeks.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Witold!
Witold who?
Witold you what to do!

Q: What key is Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight written in?
A: C sharp or B flat.

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Artist means: Unreliable

Average looking means: You figure this one out

Beautiful means: Pathological liar

Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but hell tell everybody.