The wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night.
She looks at her husband and says, Honey, do you remember this?
He looks up at her and replies, Yes dear, I do, you wore that same negligee the night we were married.
Thats right. she replied, And do you remember what you said to me that night?
He nods and says, Yes dear, I still remember.
Well, what was it?
He responds, Well honey, as I remember, I said, Ohhhhhhh, Baby, Im going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out!
She giggles and says, Yes, That was it. That was exactly what you said. And now its 50 years later, Im in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?
Again, he looks up at her and looks her up and down and says, Mission Accomplished.
People Cant Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
What do you call a white man with a black man?
– A lawyer.
What do you call a white man with three black men?
– A victim.
What do you call a white man with five black men?
– A coach.
What do you call a white man with two hundred black men?
– A warden.
What do you call a white man surrounded by 30,000 black men?
– Postmaster General.
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?Would you please pronounce where we are…very slowly?The blonde guy leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg.
In Italy a poll was taken to determine why men get up at night. Here are the results:
10 % to raid the fridge
15 % to have a pee
75 % to go home
Saddam called President Clinton and said: Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a flag.
Clinton said:Saddam, what was on the flag? Sadam said: Allah is God, God is Allah.
Clinton said: You know, Saddam, Im really glad you called because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war; it had been completely rebuilt. And on every building there was a flag.
Saddam said: Bill, what were on the flags?
Clinton replied: I really dont know. I cant read Hebrew!
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, One more remark like that and Ill smash your face in!
The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog.
Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.
A funny story I know comes from someones father-in-law who is a pharmacist. One of his customers complained that the capsules shed been given werent working.
Oh, he said, Youve been taking them the wrong way. You have to take them so that the green half goes in first. He said that she stopped by a week later to let him know that her medication was now working fine!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said Who owns the big white horse outside?
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, I do… Why?
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, I just thought youd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.
Tonto said, Sure, Kemosabe and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, Who owns that big white horse outside?
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, I do, whats wrong with him this time?
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,…. Nothin, but did you know you left your injun running?