What do Gary Condit and a magician have in common?They both make their assistants disappear!
28
Oct
28
Oct
Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks hes a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken? Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
28
Oct
FLIGHT DELAYED? HOURS TO KILL? WHY NOT
SPEND A PORTION OF YOUR LIFE AT...
A K K BBBB A RRRR JJJJJ EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J E F F S
AAAAA KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR AND J EEEE FFFF FFFF SSSS
A A K K B B A A R R J J E F F S
A A K K BBBB A A R R JJJ EEEE F F SSSS
A I RRRR PPPP OOO RRRR TTTTT
A A I R R P P O O R R T
AAAAA I RRRR PPPP O O RRRR T
A A I R R P O O R R T
A A I R R P OOO R R T
SSSS N N A CCCC K K BBBB A RRRR
S NN N A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N N AAAAA C KKK BBBB AAAAA RRRR
S N NN A A C K K B B A A R R
SSSS N N A A CCCC K K BBBB A A R R
WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT REHEATED MEATY TREATS
FEATURING:
* Heavily breaded seafood sticks made with yummy Crabuluxe
* Eggy scramblers with chunk-style
baco-nibblets and hidden yolk packets
* Grandma Akbars old-fashioned extra-chewy
non-baked fudge-like brownie squares
* Hand-dipped non-diry chee-zee nachos
*Ultra-jumbo super-crunchy choco-chip cookies
individually wrapped in plastic for your dining safety
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Relax and enjoy your meal in comfort at one ~
~ of our contoured plastic eating stations ~
~ while watching planes refuel and little ~
~ trucks drive around!!! ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
___________________ ____________________
| SOUP O DU JOUR | Served to you by dazed-looking |3 DISTINCT FLAVORS|
| | employees who earn less per | OF SALAD DRESSING|
| Clammy chowder | hour than you will spend on | * Tasty white |
| packed with | your airport snack! | * Zesty orange |
|vitamin-fortified| | * Unique yellow |
| cornstarch | |!Its your choice!|
------------------- --------------------
WHEN YOURE STUCK AT THE AIRPORT, YOURE STUCK WITH US
28
Oct
Heard about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse!
28
Oct
Sally was a girl with no horsebackriding experience, yet one day she discided to take her chances. As she climbed on the big Palimino, it took off at a gallop. Sally was sliding off. She tried to grab the mane but she couldnt seem to get a grip. So in a great rush she threw herself from the thundering horse, but her foot got caught in the stirup. She was at the mercy of the pounding hooves, near unconsciousness, when……
The Wall Mart manager came out to turn the ride off.
27
Oct
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
27
Oct
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How long have you been having this phantasy ?
27
Oct
Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups. Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says,
Im Mother Nature, and I dont like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you wont be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.
The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, Hey, wheres your ball?
Its over here in the pussy willows.
She screams back, DONT HIT THE BALL!!!! DONT HIT THE BALL!!!!
27
Oct
Q: Whats the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
27
Oct
You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one – a real SWEET POTATO whom they called YAM. They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry – no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldnt stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and even the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped. She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldnt associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see around town that say Frito Lay.
Mr. & Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to Idaho P.U. – thats Potato University – where the Big Potatoes come from and when she graduated, shed really be in the Chips. But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Walter Cronkite. Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset and said she couldnt marry him because hes just a COMMON TATER!!!