Old and New Jokes

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the shoulders of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell are you doing?""Well," said the guy, "Im a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just cant help practicing my art!""Thats the stupidest thing Ive ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

David: My wife beats me, doctor.

Doctor: Oh dear. How often?

David: Every time we play Scrabble!

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.

A reporter comes running up and says, Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?

The Saudi says, Whats a shortage?

The Russian says, Whats meat?

The North Korean says, Whats an opinion?

The New Yorker, says, Excuse me?? Whats excuse me?

Once there was a kid who loves to kill people. He found Ahouse full of people. He said oh this is a good place to kill these people. Little did he know these people were really stupid. So that night he sneak in the house. hes was in the daughters room she was sleeping. When he went over there she woke up and said stop you are scaring me. Then the kid got hes knife and kill her. After that he went in the family room and saw the rest of the family. When they saw him they all said stop you are scaring me. Then the child got his knike and kill them all. Told you they were stipid Haha

Estaban todos los Apóstoles reunidos en el cielo, porque el jefe los había mandado llamar. Llega él y les dice:

La Tierra está de lo peor, todo el mundo se droga. Todos serán enviados a la tierra y me van a traer muestras de todas las drogas posibles para hacer un estudio.

Al rato tocan las puertas del cielo y dice San Pedro:

¿Quién es?

Soy Pablo y traigo cocaína de México.

Al rato vuelven a tocar.

¿Quién es?

José y traigo marihuana de Colombia.

Más tarde.

¿Quién es?

Lucas y traigo crack de USA.

Entonces vuelven a tocar.

¿Quién es?

Judas.

¿Qué traes?

¡A la DEA (Agencia Antidrogas) cabrones, todos contra la pared!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf., says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!!!

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf., says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf., taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams…
Will you fuck off, Im trying to take a shit!

You might be a redneck if…
Youre an expert on worm beds.

Q: What key is Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight written in?

A: C sharp or B flat.

Clowie

SCENE: Its a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting
outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.

Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

FOX: What are you working on?

RABBIT: My thesis.

FOX: Hmm. Whats it about?

RABBIT: Oh, Im writing about how rabbits eat foxes.

(incredulous pause)

FOX: Thats ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits dont eat foxes.

RABBIT: Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me.

They both disappear into the rabbits burrow. After a few
minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes
typing.

Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking
rabbit.

WOLF: Whats that youre writing?

RABBIT: Im doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves.

(loud guffaws)

WOLF: You dont expect to get such rubbish published, do you?

RABBIT: No problem. Do you want to see why?

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit
returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

SCENE: Inside the rabbits burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of
fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other
side of the room a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.

(The End)

MORAL: It doesnt matter what you choose for a thesis subject.
It doesnt matter what you use for data.
What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.