This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as Millennia Year Application Software System (MYASS).
Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.
We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.
Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinates office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS.
Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, Im a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before. I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.
There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS.
This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS.
As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, here, stick this in MYASS.
It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.
Old age is always fifteen years older than you are.
We all want progress, but if youre on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive. – C.S. Lewis
The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first.
What do you call a black guy on a bike?
A thief!
There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he
wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbors bull
and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch
and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.
Yeah daddy, yeah daddy, said the little boy.
After a while the boy came into the living where his father was
talking with some friends. Say, Pop, said the boy. Yes,
replied his father.
The bull just fucked the brown cow.
There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said
Excuse me and took his son outside. Son, you mustnt use
language like that in front of company. You should say
The bull surprised the brown cow. Now go and watch
and tell me when the bull surprises the white cow.
The father went back inside the house. After a while the
boy came in and said, Hey, Daddy.
Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?
He sure did, Pop! He fucked the brown cow again!
Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St.Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, What is Easter?
The blonde replies, Oh, thats easy! Its the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…
Wrong!, You must go to HELL replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, What is Easter?
The second blonde replies, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her shes wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks,
What is Easter?
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, I know what Easter is. Oh? says St. Peter, incredulously.
Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out… and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.
What has 3 balls and comes from outer space?
ET – The extra testicle!
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husbands best friend. They engage in hot, passionate sex for hours, and afterwards, while theyre just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the womans house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…
She is speaking in a cheery voice and says, Hello? Oh, hi. Im so glad that you called. Really? Thats wonderful. I am so happy for you. that sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, Who was that?
Oh she replies, that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time hes having on his hunting trip with you.
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts. Before the show, she asks the audience Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost? and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks Who here has ever SEEN a ghost? and 3 people raise their hand. Then she asks Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost? and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says what was it like? and he said Oh…it was great!! Never had any like it before!! and she asked Really?? So the ghost was good?? and the old man said GHOST!?!?!?! I thought you said GOAT!!!!