11
Dec

Santas secret wish

On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
Looked deep into Santas, to Santas surprise
And said as he sat on Santas broad knee,
I want your secret. Tell it to me.

He leaned up and whispered in Santas good ear
How do you do it, year after year?
I want to know how, as you travel about,
Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.

How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
You have plenty for all of the worlds girls and boys?
Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh

From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
From nation to nation, reaching them all?
And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
Dont ask me hard questions. Dont you want a toy?

But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
That he needed the answer. Now listen to me,
He told that small boy with the light in his eyes,
My secret will make you sadder and wise.

The truth is that my sack is magic. Inside
It holds millions of toys for my Christmas Eve ride.
But although I do visit each girl and each boy
I dont always leave them a gaily wrapped toy.

Some homes are hungry, some homes are sad,
Some homes are desperate, some homes are bad.
Some homes are broken, and the children there grieve.
Those homes I visit, but what should I leave?

My sleigh is filled with the happiest stuff,
But for homes where despair lives toys arent enough.
So I tiptoe in, kiss each girl and boy,
And I pray with them that theyll be given the joy

Of the spirit of Christmas, the spirit that lives
In the heart of the dear child who gets not, but gives.
If only God hears me and answers my prayer,
When I visit next year, what I will find there

Are homes filled with peace, and with giving, and love
And boys and girls gifted with light from above.
Its a very hard task, my smart little brother,
To give toys to some, and to give prayers to others.

But the prayers are the best gifts, the best gifts indeed,
For God has a way of meeting each need.
Thats part of the answer. The rest, my dear youth,
Is that my sack is magic. And that is the truth.

In my sack I carry on Christmas Eve day
More love than a Santa could ever give away.
The sack never empties of love, or of joys
Cause inside it are prayers, and hope. Not just toys.

The more that I give, the fuller it seems,
Because giving is my way of fulfilling dreams.
And do you know something? Youve got a sack, too.
Its as magic as mine and its inside of you.

It never gets empty, its full from the start.
Its the centre of lights, and love. Its your heart.
And if on this Christmas you want to help me,
Dont be so concerned with the gifts neath your tree.

Open that sack called your heart, and share
Your joy, your friendship, your wealth, your care.
The light in the small boys eyes was glowing.
Thanks for your secret. Ive got to be going.

Wait, little boy, Said Santa, dont go.
Will you share? Will you help? Will you use what you know?
And just for a moment the small boy stood still,
Touched his heart with his small hand and whispered, I will.

11
Dec

College Poem

I am a college student.

Ive missed class to watch Jenny Jones. Ive partied until 7 in the morning. I live for Southpark and Sportscenter.

I watch Jerry Springer religiously.

Im broke. Ive spent over $300 at one time buying text books. I spend that much in a month on beer. I drink til the sun comes up. I wake up 10 minutes before class.

I fall asleep 10 minutes into class.



I cant remember the last time I washed my car.

Im not sure where the library is.

I procrastinate. Im lazy. C2H5OH is my favorite chemical compound.

Id rather do E-mails than do schoolwork. Id rather sleep than do E-mails. Id rather drink than sleep. I fund the University through my parking tickets and phone bills. I drink on Sundays. I have an alcohol bottle collection on display in my room. I havent eaten breakfast in a year.

I order pizza at midnight. I make popcorn at 1:00. I do E-mails at 2:00. I watch TV at 3:00. I go to sleep around 4:00. I know the Greek alphabet better than the English alphabet. Ive built up a tolerance to certain beverages.



The weekend starts on Thursday. I want to own a breathalizer to use for fun. Im the type of person your mother warned you about. I am a college student and I wouldnt change a damn thing!


11
Dec

Dicky is still tricky

The language of politics is poetry, not prose. Jackson is poetry.
Cuomo is poetry. Dukakis is a word processor.

— Former President Richard M. Nixon
on Meet the Press 4/10/88.

— Allan Pratt, Atari Corp.

11
Dec

Top ten things not to say on your anniversary!

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.9. Today is our what?8. Okay, lets celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?7. I thought we only celebrated important events?6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.5. You dont like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.4. Ive got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Heres a $5 gift certificate for McDonalds.3. If you want me to pretend I care about our anniversary, I will.2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, Ill take you to Pizza Hut if itll shut you up.1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

10
Dec

There are more fish on

There are more fish on your wall than pictures.

Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

10
Dec

A womans seminars

How To Get The Most Out Of A Garbage Bag

Cigar Smoke And Its Benefits

Clocks And Time: The Mysterious Connection

10
Dec

Working in the garden

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife:

I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?

The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter:

Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold.

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

You wouldnt believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden.

The prisoner wrote another letter:

Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!

10
Dec

Divine Intervention

Two guys out hunting and they just shot a deer. As theyre walking up to it, the one hunter says, Man. Do I have to take a dump. So, the other hunter says, While I start gutting the deer, why dont you take a dump next to them bushes.

Good idea, be right back.



So the guy walks over next to some bushes and squats down.



Meanwhile his buddy slices open the deer and throws the guts over his shoulder, landing them next to his buddy, unbeknownst to him.



About an hour later, the guy gutting the deer says to his friend, Hey, you okay?



The guy taking a dump says, Well, I took a shit over in the bushes like you told me, and I shit my guts out. BUT, with a sharp stick and a little of gods luck, I got them all back in!

10
Dec

What do you call a man with two rabbits up his rear?

Warren.

10
Dec

dead blonde in a closet

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

The winner of last years hide and seek contest.