Sale la pareja de recién casados del salón de celebraciones y al ir a montar al coche todos empiezan a gritar:
¡Arriba la novia! ¡Arriba el novio!
Un invitado que no entendÃa que se trataba de gritos de júbilo, replicó:
¡Dejad a ellos que lo hagan como mejor les plazca!
La rastra es un tipo de cinturón que usan los argentinos y está de una piel tan suave como culo de princesa; está adornada con todo lo que sea valioso: medallas, monedas antiguas y de oro, y asà por el estilo. Por lo que las rastras son muy caras; entre más vieja sea la rastra más valiosa y entre más adornos tenga más cara.
Pues habÃa un tipo que tenÃa una rastra muy fregona y ahà iba montado en su caballo:
Tucutu tucutu tucutu…
Iba por las Pampas y como ya estaba cayendo el sol se dijo:
Aquà voy a hacer un alto.
Y entonces hizo un alto, paró a su caballo, se acostó y se durmió. Al dÃa siguiente, cuando despertó, la rastra ya no estaba… Se levantó rápido, cogió su caballo y se fue veloz al próximo pueblo y llegó directo a la cantina; afuera dejó su caballo, se metió y ¡zaz!, vio a un gaucho hijo de su Pink Floyd con la rastra de él puesta.
Furioso se acercó al ladrón; se paró junto a él y le dijo:
Linda rastra.
Oh sÃ, linda, ¿eh? Linda de verdad.
Oiga ¿y debe de ser cara?
CarÃsima, mi linda rastra.
Oiga ¿y las monedas son auténticas?
Y bueno, claro que son auténticas.
Como la puta que lo parió, que rastra, linda… Oiga ¿y usted la compró?
Oh, y bueno, yo no tengo dinero para comprar una cosa de éstas.
Pues ¿y entonces?
Pues se la robé a un pendejo que estaba dormido en el camino… ¡y todavÃa me lo cogà al puto!
Y dice el otro:
Linda rastra… Linda…
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, What are you charged with?
Doing my Christmas shopping early sir, replied the defendant.
Well thats not an crime, said the judge! How early were you doing this shopping?
Before the store opened, answered the prisoner.
A man is trying to understand the nature of God and asked him:
God, how long is a million years to you?
God answered: A million years is like a minute.
Then the man asked: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
And God replied: A million dollars is like a penny.
Finally the man asked: God, could you give me a penny?
And God says: In a minute.
How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold its trunk until it goes blue and the shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Beauty is only skin deep but ugliness goes to the bone.
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to his study and said to him, Ill make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and well talk about it.
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the fathers study where his father said, Son, Ive been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, youve studied your bible diligently, but you didnt get your hair cut!
The young man waited a moment and replied, You know Dad, Ive been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair …
To which his father replied … Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!
This two ladies,one with red hair and the other one blond, went to a nice restaurant to have lunch.
The waiter asks the blonde if she would like something to drink and she ordered a pepsi. And the lady with the red hair, oredered a double bols and coke.
After the waiter have left, the blond says that she wasnt aware that she could have order anything like that.
When the waiter returned with the orders, she asked him to cancel the pepsi, and bring something else instead. Sure the waiter replied, what will it be then ?
Two dicks and a pepsi please!
The last words of a chemist:
1. And now the tasting test.
2. May that become hot?
3. And now a little bit from this…
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay.
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened? The Pope said: First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. What happened? they asked. Well, said Moishe, first he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here. And then? asked a woman. I dont know, said Moishe. He took out his lunch and I took out mine…