Several dozen brunette, redhead, and blonde guys were facing execution via firing squad. The firing squad took the brunettes first, and the leader said Ready, aim … at which point the brunettes yelled Earthquake!!!.
The firing squad looked around anxiously and while they were trying to figure out whether there was an earthquake or not, the brunette guys all took off and escaped. Undaunted, the firing squad took the redheads next, and the leader again said Ready, aim … at which point the redheads
yelled Tornado!!!.
The firing squad looked around anxiously and while they were trying to figure out which direction the tornado was coming from, the redhead guys all took off and escaped. The firing squad took the blonde guys last, and by now the blondes had it all figured out; when the right time came just yell out the name of some natural disaster. So when the firing squad leader said Ready, aim … , the blonde guys all yelled out Fire!!!.
How does a blonde part their hair? By doing the splits.
A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became bored.
Hey, lets play a game she said.What game? was his bored reply.
Lets play hidenseek. Ill give you a blow-job if you can find me.
What if I cant find you?
Ill be behind the piano.
Un niño le dice a su padre:
Papi, dijo el vecino que le prestes tu carro.
El padre, furioso, responde:
Dile al cabrón del vecino que mi carro no es relajo de nadie y que mi culo no es garaje.
El niño, extrañado, le pregunta:
¿Por qué dices que tu culo no es garaje?
Porque cuando le digas lo que yo te mande a decirle, lo primero que te dirá es que me meta mi carro por el culo.
What do Michael Jackson and cavier have in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he cant hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, I, then at his knee, meaning, need, then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, handsaw. The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.
The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, What the hell is wrong with you!?! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!
The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.
Better latent than never.
In a small southern town there was a Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemens helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a Quik Stop on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!
I assured her that I did, but simply couldnt recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said See, it says right here, The three wise man came from afar.
Thanx to Michael Charness.
Several first grade boys overheard some junior high boys talking about a penis.
The first graders asked each other, Whats a penis? None of them knew.
Finally one boy said, Ill ask my Dad, he knows everything.
That evening the boy asked his Dad, Whats a penis?
The father replied, Well, if youre old enough to ask I guess youre old enough
to know. Dad dropped his pants and said, Thats a penis! As a matter of fact,
thats a perfect penis!
The next day the boy told his friends, I found out what a penis is, come on,
Ill show you.
The others followed him to the bathroom and watched him drop his pants. The boy,
exposing himself to his friends, said, Thats a penis! As a matter of fact, if
it was two inches shorter, itd be a perfect penis!
The visiting church school supervisor asks Little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows Little Johnny, as well as his whole family, very well and can vouch for him. If Little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.
Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; we will get three quotations and fix the damned wall.