Llegan dos tontilandeses a un autocine, se estacionan y comienzan a ver la pelÃcula. A mitad de la pelÃcula uno de ellos le dice al otro:
Oye Paco, esta pelÃcula es bien mala, ¿verdad?
SÃ, Manolo, tenemos que hacer algo para vengarnos de este cine.
¿Y qué quieres hacer?, dice Paco.
No lo se ¿qué dices tu?
Ya lo se, ¡vamos a romper los asientos!
A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN
Thats right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Fall Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS – Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesnt End with Conception
MEN 113 Get a Life; Learn to Cook
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to ACT Like an Ass When Youre Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons To Give Flowers
SECOND YEAR
Fall Schedule:
SEX 101 You Can Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If Its Awake, Then Take a Shower
MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How Not to Act Younger Than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest – You Dont Look Like Tom Cruise, Especially Naked
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting @#%&*@ From Your Vocabulary
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting is NOT Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
Your mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
(and then they marry him.)
Yo mama so short she jumped off the sidewalk to commit suicide.
A woman comes home from shopping and finds her husband in bed with another woman. The man jumps up and says, Honey, I can explain!
As I was coming homefrom the golf course, I saw this poor helpless girl on the side of the road. So I gave her a ride and asked her where she was going. She said she had no where to go and hadnt eaten anything in three days. I felt so sorry for her that I brought her home and gave her something to eat.
While she was eating, I noticed she had no shoes so I gave her a pair of yours that you dont use anymore. Then I noticed her clothes were worn, so I gave her one of your dresses that you dont use anymore.
As she was ready to leave, she turned to me and said, Is there anything else your wife doesnt use anymore?
How do you save a drowning lawyer?
Heard from a friend:
Two men are approaching eachother on a sidewalk. Both are dragging
their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the
other knowingly, points at his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969.
The other hooks his thumb behind him says, Dog shit, 20 feet back.
From: General Manager
To: Departmental Heads
On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halleys Comet will be visible in this area—an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the employees in the canteen and I will show them a film of it.
===========================================
From: Departmental Heads
To: Deputy Departmental Heads
By order of the General Manager on Friday at 5p.m., Halleys Comet will appear above the area outside the building. If it rains, please assemble the employees and proceed to the canteen, where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only every 76 years
===========================================
From: Deputy Departmental Heads
To: Superintendent
By the order of the General Manager, at 5 p.m. on Friday, the phenomenal Halleys comet will appear in the canteen. In case of rain in the area outside the building, the General Manager will give another order, something which occurs only once every 76 years.
===========================================
From: Superintendent
To: Foreman
On Friday at 5 p.m., the General Manager will appear in the canteen with Halleys Comet, something which happens every 76 years. But if it rains, the General Manager will order the comet into the area outside the building.
===========================================
From: Foreman
To: Team Leader
When it rains on Friday at 5 p.m., the phenomenal 76 year old Bill Halley, accompanied by his comets, will drive the General Manger through the area outside the building into the canteen.