Guys wife comes home from her physical checkup at the M.D.s, and her hubby says, Well, how did it go? She tells him, The doctor says Im in perfect shape! Husband says, Oh, yeah? How about that big fat ass? She says, Oh, we didnt talk about you!
10
Jan
10
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Rita!
Rita who?
Rita novel!
10
Jan
How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they get three reports out of it, each of which will count as 10% of your final grade.
10
Jan
yo mama so dumb she sold her house for rent money
10
Jan
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macys, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. Id like to buy a bra for my wife
What type of bra? asked the clerk.
Type? inquires the man There is more than one type?
Look Around, said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras, replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?
Still confused the man asked What is the difference between them?
The lady responded It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
10
Jan
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.
Theyve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator! he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.
Never mind, he said with a hiccup, I got in the back seat by mistake.
10
Jan
There are two rules for success in life:
Rule 1: Dont tell people everything you know.
10
Jan
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyers club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
It aint so bad, one crook noted. We got $25 between us.
The boss screamed: I warned you to stay clear of lawyers! We had $100 when we broke in!
10
Jan
What do u call a black priest?
Holy shit!!
10
Jan
A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer.
The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him.
Look, said the customer, I have no arms – would you please hold
the glass up to my mouth?
Sure, said the bartender, and he did.
Now, said the customer, I wonder if youd be so kind as to get
my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth.
Certainly. And it was done.
If, said the armless man, youd reach in my right hand pants
pocket, youll find the money for the beer.
The bartender got it.
Youve been very kind, said the customer. Just one thing more.
Where is the mens room?
Out the door, said the bartender, turn left, walk two blocks,
and theres one in a filling station on the corner.
from Rude Jokes
by H. Allen Smith
Fawcett Publications, Inc 1970
pages 15-16
Duke McMullan