Old and New Jokes

Se reúnen un francés, un alemán y un tontilandés para aclarar cual de sus esposas es la más pendeja.

Inicia el galo:

Oui, mi esposa es la más pendeja: ella mandó construir una alberca en la casa y ni siquiera sabe nadar.

Es el turno del germano:

No, la más pendeja es mi esposa: ¡imagínense que se compró un Mercedes y ni siquiera sabe manejar!

El de Tontilandia remata:

¡Joder, que la más pendeja es mi esposa! Se va de paseo una semana en un crucero por el Caribe con dos amigas y compró tres cajas de condones… ¡Y ni siquiera tiene pito!

Eran dos maricones, Lalo y Pepe, y una vez decidieron irse a acampar a la playa. Acomodaron todo en un Pick up, y para que no se mojara nada de lo que llevaban, cubrieron todo con una lona.

Cuando iban por la autopista, la velocidad del vehículo y el viento de la costa, desataron la lona. Pepe se dio cuenta de que la lona iba suelta y le advierte a Lalo:

¡AY, LALO, LA LONA…!

Y Lalo, pensando que lo estaba vacilando, le responde:

¡Y TU, PEPE PEPONA!

Q: How many rednecks does take to eat possum?

A: Three. One to eat it and two to look out for cars.

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply cant think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.



Love,

Your $on.





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Dear Son,



I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.



Love,

Dad

I dont use Listerine. They say it kills germs on contact
and I dont like the idea of things dying in my mouth.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you!
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, You have a drink named Steve?

Have you heard about the new Barbie doll? Its called Divorce Barbie. It comes with all Kens stuff.

Goes Without Saying:

One nice thing about egotists: They dont talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.

The older you get, the better you realize you used to be.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

Age is the price we pay for maturity.

Experience is the price we pay for immaturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think theyre listening.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?

A: Butter is difficult to spread.