A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars.
Why, does the parrot cost so much? asks the man. The owner says, Well the parrot knows how to use a computer.
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and
is told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, What can it do?
To which the owner replies, To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!
16
Aug
16
Aug
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks – and how much money do you make a week?
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, I make $200.00 a week. Why?
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams – heres a weeks pay, now GET OUT and dont come back!
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks – does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters –
Pizza delivery guy.
16
Aug
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.
Why? asked somebody from the audience.
I watched my wifes routine at dinner for years, the expert explained. She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, Honey, why dont you try carrying several things at once?
Did it save time? the guy in the audience asked.
Actually, yes, replied the expert. It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.
Now I do it in ten…
16
Aug
There once was a queer from Khartoum Who took a lesbian up to his room They argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, and to whom!
16
Aug
There was this Father from the towns Catholic Church who would visit the
areas nursing homes.
One day upon entering his last nursing home he was met by the head nurse.
She said Mrs. Smith has been waiting for you all day, and she wanted to
make sure you didnt forget her.
The Father apologized for being so late and went on into Mrs. Smiths
room. He sat next to her and started talking and said a little prayer for
her. Then Mrs. Smith started to talk about her day. While he was
listening, he noticed a small bowl of peanuts next to her.
The father Interupted, and asked if he could have a few of the
peanuts.
She of course said yes, and continued on and on, talking about
her day.
The Father interrupted her again and said Mrs. Smith Im sorry, Ive
eaten almost all your peanuts.
Mrs. Smith looked at him and said, Dont worry about it at all, I cant
eat peanuts, I just like to eat the chocolate off of them.
16
Aug
What color Does a Smurf turn If you Choke it?
16
Aug
Never trust anyone who always tells the truth.
16
Aug
Q: Why are gay guys never lonely?
A: They have friends up the ass.
16
Aug
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
16
Aug
Why did the turtle Cross the road? To get to the Shell station!