A surgeon, an architect, and a politician were considering the question of whose profession was the oldest.
I think my line of work would win this one hands down, the surgeon said. After all, Eve was created from Adams rib, and that sounds like surgery to me.
Maybe, the architect said, but before Adam, order was created out of chaos. That was architectural accomplishment.
Sure, the politician said. But before that, someone had to create the chaos.
28
Jul
28
Jul
Guy-Knock, Knock
Girl-Whos there?
Guy-Emersom
Girl-Emersom who?
Guy-Emersom nice boobs ya got there!
28
Jul
What happened to the blind skunk? He fell in love with a fart.
28
Jul
Jim, Jodi, and Sharon are real people, their last names have been withheld.
> Date: 5/27/94 10:02 AM
> To: Jim
> From: Jodi
> If you plan to attend Sharons luncheon, please let me
> know your selection by Tuesday, June 7 ($10/person). The choices
> are:
>
> –Broiled Sole Fillets-lightly seasoned or stuffed and served with
> rice pilaf
> –Popcorm Shrimp-bite sized breaded shrimp served with a baked
> potato
> –Grilled Chicken Breast-marinated boneless chicken breast served
> with rice pilaf
> OR
> –Chicken Fresco-baked chicken tenderloins & vegatables all in a
> light garlic & parmesan cheese sauce, served over linguini with
> fresh brocolli
>
> Thanks! Jodi
Dear Jodi,
Thank you for arranging this luncheon for Sharon. Im deciding what
to order, and I have a question.
What about us carnivores? I want meat. Red raw meat. I want them
to lead it in on a rope and I want it to moo when I bite into it. I
dont want anybody I know to see me eating rice pilaf or chicken
Fresco. In fact I dont want anybody who knows anybody I know to
see me doing so. I want a dignified American meal of steak and
potatoes by God, served with flagons of blood-red wine. I want
Hungarian red wine, with a picture of a cow on the label. I want to
think about Eastern Europeans making this wine for slave wages and
making it badly. I want the whole bottle. I want several. I want it
served on a white tablecloth and I want that tablecloth to be so
soiled when were done that it cant even be used for rags. I want a
meal to remember, in the midst of bawdy company. I want someone
to tell off-color jokes and I want us all to laugh till we cry. I want
some of us to discover that the person weve mumbled at as weve
passed in the halls these last 5 years is a sexual rogue. I want several
people to fail to return to work afterward. I want to see a
disciplinary memo sent down from the directors office in the wake
of all this. I want the restaurant to refuse to serve anyone from the
Lab for the next two years. I want to generate gossip. I want media
coverage. I want arrests. I want some careers to be launched and
others destroyed. I want this luncheon to divide time into a before
and an after. Despite her acute embarrassment at all this, I want
Sharon to change her mind and stay.
Thats what I REALLY want. I just KNOW youre going to tell me I
cant have it. So Ill get back to you with my food order.
28
Jul
First set from: pszila@u.washington.edu (Peter Szilard) and
kamens@neon.stanford.edu (Samuel N. Kamens)
TAOISM: Shit happens.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucious says, Shit happens.
BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it isnt really shit.
HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
PROTESTANTISM: If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserved it.
JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?
ISLAM: If shit happens, kill the person(s) responsible.
More-From: sunne!East!bruces (Bruce Sesnovich – Sun BOS Information Architecture)
EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesnt happen; shit is.
JEHOVAHS WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armaggedon.
ISLAM: When shit happens, kill Salman Rushdie.
SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: When shit doesnt happen, dont call a doctor–pray.
27
Jul
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Isadore!
Isadore who?
Isadore locked, I cant get in!
27
Jul
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
After sitting down, ordering, and chitchat the Priest says Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?
He then realizes the truth I think were in a gay bar.
A man approaches and is trying to flirt with the priest.
The priest is dumbfounded, and doesnt know what to do.
The Rabbi leans over and whispers something in the mans ear.
The man walks off.
The Priest says Thanks, but what did you tell him.
The Rabbi replies I just told him were on our honeymoon.
27
Jul
Pepito estaba en el kinder y un dÃa le dice a su mamá que tenÃa un festival el viernes en la escuela. La mamá muy entusiasmada le pregunta que si de que lo iba a vestir, a lo que Pepito responde que de castor.
Su mamá gastó mas de 1000 pesos pues querÃa que su hijo fuera el mejor del festival.
En fin, ese dÃa Pepito le dice a su madre que si quiere que le cante la canción y ella dice que sÃ.
Y Pepito empieza a cantar:
Los castooores a Belén coooorrren pre su rooooo sos…
27
Jul
Q: How can you tell if another blondes been using the computer?
A: Theres writing on the white-out.
27
Jul
Why do ducks have big, webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have big, flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks.