Old and New Jokes

This is a genuine psychological test:

It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her own mother, she met this
guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream
guy she believed him to be just that, she fell in love with him there but never
asked for his number and then… A few days later the girl killed her own
sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

Give this some thought for a while before you scroll down.

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.

This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the
same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test
and answered it correctly. If you didnt answer correctly – good for you.

If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep your distance.

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, Mama, I dont want to go out there. Its dark.

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. You dont have to be afraid of the dark, she explained. Jesus is out there. Hell look after you and protect you.

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, Are you sure hes out there?

Yes, Im sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him, she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, Jesus? If youre out there, would you please hand me the broom?

Two muffins were in an oven. The first muffin says boy…its hot in here
The 2nd muffins says, Holy s**t a talking muffin

A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said, You know why Im going to win this election? Because of my personal touch. For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me.

Oh, really? replied the other. I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Usher!
Usher who?
Usher wish you would let me in!

I can go for more than seven days without sleep…
so its a good thing I sleep nights.

A man had a terrible accident and his private parts were injured.


The doctor reassured him that modern medicine made it possible for his privates to be rebuilt, but insurance didnt cover the expense. It was considered cosmetic.


He had three choices: small for $3,500, medium for $6,500, and large for $14,000.


The man was sure hed want a medium or large.


The doctor suggested that he discuss it with his wife privately before a final decision was made.


The doctor left the room and while he was gone the man called his wife and told her their options.


The doctor returned and found the man looking very sad.


Did you make a decision? the doctor asked.


Yes, said the man. My wife would like to remodel the kitchen.

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

OK, follow me, he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

Now, do you see that tree over there? he asked.

YES, YES, YES!! the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

Good! said the first bat, Because I fucking didnt!