A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person How much are the washer and dryer?
Five dollars for both of them, the salesman said.
Yeah right, youve got to be kidding me! the man replied sarcastically.
No, thats the price, the salesman said, Do you want to buy them or not?
Yeah, Ill take them! the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. How much? he asked.
Five dollars for the system, the salesman answered.
Is it stolen? the guy asks.
No, said the salesman, Its brand new, do you want it or not?
Sure, the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. How much?
Five dollars, was the familiar response.
Ill take that too! the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
Why are your prices so cheap?
The salesman said, Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What hes doing to her, Im doing to his business!
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says, do you want to live with your dad? the kid says no! he beats me!. The judge says,you want to live with your mom? no! she beats me too!.
So the judge says, who do you want to live with then?
The kid says, The Cleveland Browns…they cant beat anybody!
A guy walks into a doctors office and says D-D-Doctor, I h-have a s-stuttering p-p-problem.
The doc notices a big bulge in the guys crotch and says Lets have a look. The doc is shocked to see that the guy has a 17 schlong.
What you have is Stutterus Schlongus. I can cure your stuttering by cutting off 10 inches.
The guy says okay and the operation is done on the spot.
The next day the guys says Doc, my wife left me because of the operations. I dont care if I stutter, I want my schlong back!
The doc looks at the floor and says Its t-t-too l-l-late!!!
A: Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. Shed hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. Excuse me, miss, said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. The Hilton doesnt mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday. What difference does it make? Joan asked rather calmly. No one can see me up here, and besides, Im covered with a towel. Not exactly, said the embarrassed man. Youre lying on the dining room skylight.
A drunk man stumbled into a church where there were baptisms being performed. The priest noticed him and asked him if he wanted to find Jesus. "Sure," said the drunk man. "Ill find Jesus." So the priest took the drunk mans head and dunked it into the baptismal waters. When he came up for air, he was sputtering and couging."Damn," said the drunk man. "Are you sure he fell in there?"
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Idaho!
Idaho who?
Idahod the whole garden but I was tired!
Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear: Journal of Commerce, April 20
Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person: The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2
Lack of brains hinders research: The Columbus Dispatch, April 16
How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart: Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5
Fish lurk in streams: Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle, January 29