Your momma is so fat . . .
She is on BOTH sides of your family.
02
May
02
May
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
02
May
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
Castrated.
02
May
Now I lay me down
to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my fat to take,
And leave behind a skinny shell,
And all my fat can go to hell!
02
May
A hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and a shotgun in the other. He stopped a man on the street, saying to him: Here friend, take a drink outa my jug.
The man protested, saying he never drank. The hillbilly leveled his shotgun at the stranger and commanded: Drink!
The stranger drank, shuddered, shook, shivered and coughed.
Gad! thats awful stuff youve got there.
Aint it, though? replied the hillbilly. Now, you hold the gun on me while I take a swig.
02
May
A father one day notices that his son is coming of age. He decides to take his son into town to learn the facts of life from a skilled women. They ride into town from the Australian outback and tie up at the local cathouse.The father sends his son upstairs. When the son is alone with the lady, she takes off her skirt. The son picks up a chair and thows it out the window. The lady thinks this is a bit odd, but she takes off her shirt. The son throws a lamp out the window. The woman removes her bra, the son tosses the table. Finally, the women removes her shorts; the son tosses the bed out the window.The lady can no longer contain her curiosity; she exclaims, What in the heck are you doing?!The son explains, Well, if this is anything like kangaroos, were going to need an awful lot of room!
02
May
Bill gates dies and finds himself in pergatory, snacked up by God. God said Im letten you chose where you want to go. Bill says Whats the differance? God said,Ill allow you a short visit at each to make up your mind. The reply was lets see hell first. Hell was full of sandy beaches with beutiful women running aroud ang playing in the water. Bill said,If this is hell, I want to see heaven! So God took him to heaven. It was nice with all the angels floating around playing beautiful music. But, not as exciting as hell. So Bill said, Heavens nice and all, but I want to go to hell. So Bill went to hell. A few weeks later, God decided to check on Bill. He found Bill in a dark cave being tortured by deamons. God asked, So, how ya doin Bill? In a sad voice he said, This is not what I expected. What happened to all of the beautiful women on the beaches?
02
May
What is the difference between a terrorist and a PMS woman?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
01
May
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 21 – one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.
01
May
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers that, If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.
No, Clinton says, That would be an ACCIDENT.
A girl raises her hand. If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside…that would be a tragedy.
Im afraid not, explains Clinton. That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.
The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.
What? asks Clinton, Isnt there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?
Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.
Wonderful! Clinton beams. Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?
Well, says the boy, because it wouldnt be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!
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