I am a pastor and father of two children. The day before we were to attend a cousins high school graduation, I thought Id prepare the kids, knowing how fidgety they can get.
Graduations are sometimes long, boring events, I said. I want you guys to behave and not ask constantly when its going to be over.
Dont worry, Dad. Well live, my daughter replied. We last through all your sermons, dont we?
Rev. Matthew Sassano, Jr.
How can you compare a lite beer to making love in a canoe? Its fucking close to water!
Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.
Doctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes gardener that there was a doubtful looking schoolgirl in Holmes bedroom. Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl indulging in a 69.
Good God Holmes! said Watson, What kind of a schoolgirl is this?
Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary.
Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter talk.
Hillary asks Chelsea, You have been going to college for awhile now. Have you had sex yet?
Chelsea says, Well, not according to Dad.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Zinnia!
Zinnia who?
Zinnia on TV – You look shorter!
Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.
Different people look for different things in the Ten Commandments.
Some are looking for divine guidance, some for a code of living, but
most people are looking for loopholes.
-Sam Levenson
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.
He shouted at him, Is this what I pay you for?
The manager replied: No, sir, this I do free of charge.
An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman. The next day his prick turns black. He runs to a doctor and asks, Doctor, is this some weird venereal disease?
Worse, says the doctor. Its frostbite!