If college students wrote the bible…
12. Blood of Christ switched from red wine to keg beer.
11. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning: cold!
10. Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
9. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
8. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasnt dorm food.
7. Pauls Letter to the Romans becomes Pauls E-Mail To: abuse@romans.gov
6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
5. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
4. Out go the mules; In come the mountain bikes.
3. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didnt want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
2. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”
Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.
“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.
“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”
“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”
The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”
“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.
“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison…’”
Ebonics: Why we be talkin like you? Is you listening
anyway?
Redneconics: Taint sure, Clem, baa I think he
said he wanns to rape all the white women. Less git em!
Blueblonics: I say, Tad, what are they fighting
about now? You know I cant make out a word mumsys servants say.
911onics: Im sorry, wheres the emergency? I cant
understand a thing youre saying.
Coponics: Youre all under arrest under Section
1929 of the penal code. Sergeant, get those blacks and rednecks in
front of the firing squad, the women in the back seat of the patrol
car, and issue Mr. Tadington a ticket.
Dowonics: 1929? Im sorry, I dont understand.
Moronics: National Aglet is at 1929? Buy more!
Were going over 68 today!
Globalecononics: Were sorry Mrs. Jones, we know
youve worked here at National Aglet for 68 years. But you must
understand that a 14 year old Thai girl is simply a more desirable
employee.
Tvnewonics: … and police say they dont know
why the 85 year old grandmother was so distraught. When we return,
more good news from Wall Street, as the Dow sets another new
record. Well have an in-depth look after these messages.
Towerofbabelonics: Although I must admit, Tad,
that it tis a blessing the workers CANT talk to each other, or they
might figure out that theres no staircase in the blueprints.
A recent edition of the Guardian (a UK quality newspaper for those who dont
know) had a story titled Charitys great sex appeal, reporting that Marie
Stopes International, a charity which raises money for the Third World, is
launching Sex Aid to finance birth control in countries where rising
populations are threatening the environment.
Couples are urged to keep a tin by the bed and put 25 pence in it every time
they make love, and send the resulting collection to the charity.
MSIs fund-raising manager Ms Patricia Hindmarsh said, It is a serious
suggestion. I think it will help people focus on the fact that they have
the freedom to make love without producing another mouth to feed.
The part of the story that I liked best, and the reason Im forwarding it to
this newsgroup, is the Guardians comment at the end of the story:
Research suggests that the average British couple could donate at least
#12.50 a year.
Octobers horoscope, from the official tabloid paper of the Virtual
Village over on bit.listerv.politics, THE VIRTUAL WORLD NEWS.
Cast and reported by me, Tabloid Kerry, Your Virtual Reporter.
For entertainment purposes only.
THE VIRTUAL WORLD NEWS Hey, its words,
punctuation marks,
paragraphs–practically
the New York Times!
Whats the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Maybe someday well find Bigfoot.
You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.
Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.
You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot.
Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
Están dos tipos platicando cuando ven venir a un cuero de aquellos de pelÃcula.
Uno le dice al otro: te apuesto $500 a que esa tipa trae puesto el calzón de mi mamá.
¿Cómo vas a creer vos?
¿Apostamos?
Apostados, pero que sea el doble.
Cuando se acerca la muchacha, el apostador murmura: mamita rica, traes puesto mi calzón.
¡El de tu madre, hijo de la gran p…! le responde la mujer.
Un tontilandés le dice al otro:
Oye, Manolo, pásame otro champú.
Pero si ahà en el baño hay uno…
Sà hombre, pero éste es para cabello seco y yo ya me lo he mojado.