Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms, or lack there-of of the super model Stephanie Seymour.
I say shes highly over-rated, said one Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs and that figure, and what have ya got?
My wife said the other with a heavy sigh!
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents how was I
born? Well honey… said the slightly prudish parent, the stork brought you
to us.
OH, said the boy. Well, how did you and daddy get born? he asked.
Oh, the stork brought us too.
Well how were grandpa and grandma born? he
persisted.
Well darling, the stork brought them too! said the parent, by
now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with
confusion the opening sentence: This report has been very difficult to write
due to the fact that there hasnt been a natural childbirth in my family for
three generations.
-told by the minister of my church, Dr. James Kennedy,
Coral Ridge Presbyterian, Ft. Lauderdale.
A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating
with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.
Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the
counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks
up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.
Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign
language.
Look, the pharmacist says, if you cant afford to lose, you shouldnt bet.
If the NSA ran Christmas…
Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree for reasons of national security.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Costa!
Costa who?
Costa lot!
A tax on people who are bad at math.
Midget worked for a farmer all his life so the farmer said to him one day, you have been working for me all your life so pick any where in the world to go and I will send you tommorow.
So the midget said I wanna go to New York city
The very next day the midget wass walking up the streets of New York looking up at all the tall people. He noticed a big glass thing going up the side of a building. He thought I wanna ride on that. So three storys up a big black guy got on the elevator. He looked up and said You must be the biggest blackest niga I ever seen.
The guy said Yup, I have a 6 foot dick 6 inches wide and my name is Turner Brown.
The midget fainted. The black guy Was shaking him saying Whats wrong with you man.
The midget said Can you repeat yourself?
The black guy said I have a dick 6 feet long 6 inches wide and my name is Turner Brown.
The midget said Phew, I thought you said Turn a round.
Yo mama so dumb she sat at a stop sign waiting for it to change to go.
(The numbers are obtained by translating each character (letter, number, space, etc.) into its corresponding ASCII value.)
It looks like well-known OSs fall into the same category:
M S – D O S 6 . 2 1
77 + 83 + 45 + 68 + 79 + 83 + 32 + 54 + 46 + 50 + 49 = 666
W I N D O W S 9 5
87 + 73 + 78 + 68 + 79 + 87 + 83 + 57 + 53 + 1 = 666
S Y S T E M 7 . 0
83 + 89 + 83 + 84 + 69 + 77 + 32 + 55 + 46 + 48 = 666
Coincidence? I think not!
The real name of Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where III means the order of third (3rd).
By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B I L L G A T E S (III)
66 + 73 + 76 + 76 + 71 + 65 + 84 + 69 + 83 + 3 = 666 (!!!)
Some might ask, How did Bill Gates get so powerful?
Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankinds ultimate and total enslavement? You decide!