Network TV is reported to be developing a Texas version of
Survivor, the recent popular TV show.
Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas,
Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and
Lubbock. Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that
reads, Im for Gore, Im gay, and Im here to take your guns.
The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner.
A road consturction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette only 1. On the second day, the blonde paints 1 mile, the brunette 2, and the redheaed 2.5. On the third day, the blonde only gets 1/4 of a mile done, the redheaed 3, and the brunette 3.5. The manager decides to talk to the blonde."You havent been painting as much road as you did on the first day, the manager said. Whats the problem? Id be painting more, but the bucket keeps getting farther and farther away!
You need a dictionary to spell your name.
You dont change your socks until the first pair rots off.
People ask your wife when her babys due and shes not pregnant.
And God created woman and she had three breasts.
He then asked the woman,
Is there anything youd like to have changed?
She replied,
Yes, you could get rid of this middle breast?
And so it was done, and it was good.
Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding that third breast in her hand,
What can be done with this useless boob?
And God created man.
Dos amigas se encuentran y la una le dice a la otra:
Vecina, estoy preocupadÃsima. ImagÃnese que desde hace tres dÃas, dos marihuaneros entran por la noche y se cagan en mi terreno.
La otra le dice: Pero no sea usted tan lenta, ponga unos reflectores y verá como no vuelven.
En efecto, la señora se manda dos reflectores de 500 Watts cada uno.
A la semana, se vuelven a encontrar, e intrigada le pregunta la señora:
Y, vecina, ¿cómo le fue con los reflectores?
¡Ay, me muero, mejor calle!. ¡Ahora entran a cagar con revistas!
I am in total control, but dont tell my wife.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18
bills would be in some small hick town.
So, he got into his very expensive new luxury car and off he went. After
driving for a while, he found a tiny town with a single store.
He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind
the counter. Can you change this for me, please? he asked.
The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and
said to the man, Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?
LUCY AND JAJE WERE PLAYING GOLF FIRST THE FIRST 2 BALS GOT STUCK ON LUCY BOOBS ,AND THE SECOND BALL GOT STUCK ON JAKES BALL,AND NOW THEY HAD NO BALLS TO PLAY WITH.
The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions, he told them.
To the first one, he said, Your obsession is eating. Why youve even named your daughter Candy.
The second, he said, was obsessed by money. Again, it manifests itself in your childs name, Penny.
At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, Lets go, Peter.