An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk-rocker gets on. The punkrockers hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.
When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says Whats the matter old man? Didnt you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?
The old guy says in reply Yeah. One time I had sex with a parrot.
I thought maybe you were my kid. . .
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Says!
Says who?
Says me, thats who!
CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471
In order to increase the security of all company computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorized use of these facilities, new rules are being put into effect concerning the selection of passwords. All users of computing facilities are instructed to change their passwords to conform to these rules immediately.
RULES FOR THE SELECTION OF PASSWORDS:
1. A password must be at least six characters long, and must not contain two occurrences of a character in a row, or a sequence of two or more characters from the alphabet in forward or reverse order. Example: HGQQXP is an invalid password. GFEDCB is an invalid password.
2. A password may not contain two or more letters in the same position as any previous password. Example: If a previous password was GKPWTZ, then NRPWHS would be invalid because PW occurs in the same position in both passwords.
3. A password may not contain the name of a month or an abbreviation for a month. Example: MARCHBC is an invalid password. VWMARBC is an invalid password.
4. A password may not contain the numeric representation of a month. Therefore, a password containing any number except zero is invalid. Example: WKBH3LG is invalid because it contains the numeric representation for the month of March.
5. A password may not contain any words from any language. Thus, a password may not contain the letters A, or I, or sequences such as AT, ME, or TO because these are all words.
6. A password may not contain sequences of two or more characters which are adjacent to each other on a keyboard in a horizontal, vertical, or diagonal direction. Example: QWERTY is an invalid password. GHNLWT is an invalid password because G and H are horizontally adjacent to each other. HUKWVM is an invalid password because H and U are diagonally adjacent to each other.
7. A password may not contain the name of a person, place, or thing. Example: JOHNBOY is an invalid password.
Because of the complexity of the password selection rules, there is actually only one password which passes all the tests. To make the selection of this password simpler for the user, it will be distributed to all supervisors. All users are instructed to obtain this password from his or her supervisor and begin using it immediately.
Se encontraba un edificio en llamas, y los bomberos habÃan rescatado a casi todos los trabajadores menos uno, que era fisioculturista y al que llamaban el toro, que se habÃa quedado en la azotea.
Toda la gente frenética y asustada le gritaba al toro que saltara a la lona de los bomberos, pero el hombre, era muy miedoso y cada vez que intentaba saltar se arrepentÃa.
La gente le gritaba, para darle ánimo, Salta toro, salta toro.
Finalmente se animó y saltó, Vamos toro, vamos toro, decÃan todos al unÃsono.
Y cuando iba a llegar a rebotar con la lona, los bomberos la hicieron a un lado diciendo, Oooooleeeeeeee torooo.
Q:What do you give an injured lemon?
A:Lemonade
I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both sit at the bar and proceed to drink the night away. After a while, the plastered giraffe passes out and falls to the floor. The guy continues to drink and after a while, gets up and heads for the door. The Barternter stops him, points to the giraffe, and says, Hey, you going to leave that lyin there? And the man looks at the giraffe, then the bartender, the giraffe, then the bartender, back to the giraffe, then to the bartender and says, Thats not a lion, thats a giraffe.
Two drunks were stumbling home along a pair of railway tracks.The first drunk says, Theres a hell of a lot of steps here.The second drunk says, Ill tell you whats worse, this hand rail is bloody low down
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
A young hooker picked up a customer and led him to her room. She began to put off her clothes and he inspected her with delight.
Then he asked: How old are you?
Thirteen.
What??? Thirteen???!!! Good bye. – and he left in haste.
The girl frowned and uttered: Stupid superstitious fool!