This guy and this girl are rampantly having sex. During a lull in the
passion, the guy asks the girl to turn over.
Why? asks the girl.
Because I want to try something different, says the guy.
Thats perverted! says the girl.
What did you say? asks the guy.
I said thats perverted.
Im sorry, Im not quite sure I heard properly – what did you say?
I said thats perverted.
Shit, says the guy, thats a big word for a five year-old.
A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat.
One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. But why? asked the disappointed wife.
She hemmed and hawed and said she didnt want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, Im pregnant.
The wife said, Look, we dont want to lose you. My husband and I dont have any children, and well adopt your baby if you will stay.
She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.
After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.
In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, I am definitely leaving this time.
Dont tell me youre pregnant again? asked the lady of the house. No, she said, there are just too many kids here to pick up after!
Q: Whats the advantage of having a blonde as a girlfriend? A: You get to park in handicapped zones.
Two six-year-odl boys were attending religious school and giving the teachers problems. The teachers had tried everything to make them behave — time-outs, notes home, missed recesses, but could do nothing with them.
Finally the boys were sent to see the priest.
The first boy went in and sat in a chair across the desk from the priest. The piest asked, Son, do you know where God is?
The little boy just sat there.
the priest stood up and asked, Don, do you know where God is?
The little boy trembled but said nothing.
The priest leaned across the desk and again asked, Do you know where God is?
The little boy bolted out of the chair, rushed past his friend in the waiting room, and ran all the way home. He got in bed and pulled the covers up over his head.
His friend followed him home. He came into the bedroom and asked, What happened in there?
The boy replied, God is missing, and they think we did it!
Lady customer: I want a birthday present for my husband.
Floorwalker: How long have you been married, madam?
Lady Customer: Twelve years.
Floorwalker: Bargain basement is on the left.
When he tells you your wifes hair smells nice.
The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.Dear Mr. Butcher,
Starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds leaves him hungry, angry and vicious!Dear Mr. Mailman,
We found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please
be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings.
P.S. – Any sign of that book we sent for, The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats?Selma, dont come in! The boa constrictor got loose again…Exterminator: Be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are if you dont take care!To whom it may concern:
Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck…
Está el partido en su apogeo.
La porra se desrraga en gritos y vÃtores:
¿Dónde está mi papá? ¡No sé!
¿Dónde está mi mamá? ¡No sé!
¡Viva el Orfanato San José!
Todos los locos del manicomio se encuentran reunidos, cuando llega el orate principal que sólo utiliza la letra e como vocal para todas las palabras y les anuncia:
Este neche nes vemes e squeper e nes vemes e desfrezer de queremelos; se ven e pener en des secceenes: ene de chequelete e le etre de mente.
Cuando ya están en la fuga llega la policÃa y grita:
¡Ea, demente!
El loco principal le responde:
Ne, de chequelete.
A wife comes home and says to her husband, I am moving to Las Vegas – I hear you can get $400 for sex. The husband runs to the bedroom, starts packing his bags and says Im coming along to see this!
Why? asks the wife, Why would you come to Las Vegas with me?
Husband replies, Because Ive gotta see you live on $800 a year!