After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. But sir, said the clerk, you have the best room in the hotel. I insist on another room!!! said the drunk. Very good, sir. Ill change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you dont like 502? asked the clerk. Well, for one thing, said the drunk, its on fire.
17
Oct
17
Oct
Top five reasons why computers must be female
No one but their creator understands their internal
logic.
Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to
memory for future reference.
The native language used to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message, Bad command or file name, is about as
informative as If you dont know why Im mad at you, then Im
certainly not going to tell you.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
In the interest of gender equality…
Top five reasons why computers must be male
Theyre heavily dependent on external tools and
equipment.
They periodically cut you off right when you think
youve established a network connection.
Theyll usually do what you ask them to do, but they
wont do more than they have to and they wont think of it on their
own.
Theyre typically obsolete within five years and need to
be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel theyve
already got so much invested in the darn thing that theyre compelled
to remain with an underpowered system.
They get hot when you turn them on, and thats the only
time you have their attention.
16
Oct
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Meredith!
Meredith who?
Meredith kind of Knock Knock
jokes and Im leaving!
16
Oct
Whats the difference between love,true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling
16
Oct
Un hombre tenÃa un puesto para rejuvenecer camellos en el Sahara. Un tipo que tenÃa un camello viejo y cansado lo lleva a dicho lugar y le dice al dueño que vea qué puede hacer, aunque es bastante escéptico de los resultados.
El dueño del local le dice que no se preocupe, que en unos minutos se lo deja como nuevo, y grita: ¡Ahmeeeed!.
Del fondo del local sale un negro de dos metros con un miembro gigantesco y se lo introduce al camello; el pobre animal se levanta como si tuviera 20 años menos, y sale corriendo hasta desaparecer en el horizonte.
El dueño del camello, impresionado, dice: !Qué buena forma de rejuvenecer camellos!, pero ahora tengo otro problema: ¿cómo lo alcanzo?
El dueño del local dice:
¡No se preocupe, en segida lo alcanza! ¡Ahmeeeeed…!
16
Oct
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean….
And RAM was the cousin of a goat…..
MEG was the name of my girlfriend
And GIG was your middle finger upright
Now they all mean different things
And that really MEGA bytes
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 floppy
You hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
Youd be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spiders home
And a virus was the flu
I guess ill stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobodys been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead
16
Oct
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
16
Oct
YO MAMA IS SO STUPID THAT
SHE ROLLED DOWN A BARBIES
CANYON!
16
Oct
When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle.
Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.
I really cant remember, the snail replied.
You see, it all happened so fast.
16
Oct
Picard: Sigma Indri, thats the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
Well have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive? Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine. LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline! Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so! Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we cant,
We cant, we mustnt, and we shant,
The danger here is far too great! Picard: But surely we must not be late! Troi: Im sensing anger and great ire. Computer: Alert! Alert! The ships on fire! Picard: The ships on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire? Riker: Not me. Worf: Not me. Picard: Computer, how long til we die? Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye. Data: May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems… Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! Youve saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray! Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much.
Youve saved our lives, our ship, and such. Troi: We still must save the Indran planet — Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite… Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand — we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so. Geordi: Theres sabotage among the wires
And thats what started all the fires. Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go! Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why? Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental. Troi: Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that theyve been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We havent even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do? Crusher: Captain,