A man and his friend meet at the club house and decide to play a round of golf together. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, That dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt? Somersaults, says the man. Somersaults?! says the friend, Thats incredible. How many does he do? Hmmm, says the man. That depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.
07
Oct
07
Oct
A kid comes home from school and his mother asks him, How was school son?
He replies, It wasnt good at all Mom, I had sex with my teacher.
She blows up and tells him to go imediately to his room.
His father comes home and walks into his room to find he is looking at some porno mags and says to his son, You had sex with your teacher son?
Kid replies, Yeah it wasnt good.
The father says, Well your only 14 years old and you have done a good job. Well go tomorrow and get that new bike you have always wanted.
They go the next day and get the bike.
Then the father asks him, Do you want to ride it home or just put it in the back of the truck?
The kid replies, I better just put it in the back of the truck.
They get into the truck and the father asks his son, So why didnt you wanna ride it home?
The son tells him, Because Mr. Green got me in the butt pretty hard yesterday.
07
Oct
What is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?
Its butt!
07
Oct
Two English crooks paid £1000 for £10000 worth of forged currency. When they checked their purchase they found that the forgeries were unfortunately in £6 and £13 denominations!
Having decided that the only place they would successfully get rid of the dud money would be in Ireland, they jumped onto the boat and made their way to a pub in deepest Co. Kerry.
The barman drew their 2 pints of the black stuff, and one of the crooks nonchalantly asked Will you accept £6 or £13 sterling notes? I havent anything smaller?.
The barman cheerfully replied Ah sure thatll be fine … now would you be wanting yer change in £2 or £9 notes?
06
Oct
A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with her mother, eating a twinkie, and anxiously awaiting her first hair cut. When her turn comes, she brings her twinkie with her to the chair, and the barber covers her. Soon, she pulls the twinkie out for a bite.
Youre getting hair on your twinkie, the barber playfully warns.
Yes, I know, replies the girl. And Im getting boobs, too.
06
Oct
Un barco estaba hundiéndose. El Oficial gritaba:
¡Todos a los botes salvavidas! ¡Las mujeres y los niños primero!
En ese momento el Capitán fue uno de los primeros en subir al bote salvavidas. El Oficial, indignado, le reclamó:
¡Mi Capitan, que allà hay mujeres!
A lo que el Capitán respondió:
Sà hijo, ¡para follar estoy yo ahora!
06
Oct
Iban dos compadres por la calle y uno le dice al otro:
Oye, tengo ganas de salir con Madonna otra vez.
¿Cómo que otra vez?, le pregunta, sorprendido, el otro.
Es que ayer también tuve ganas.
06
Oct
Iban tres amigos en una motocicleta. El primero iba conduciendo, el del medio era tartamudo, y el último se llamaba Jaime.
El primero, que conducÃa, les dijo a sus dos amigos que se prepararan para sentir adrenalina, y aceleró su motocicleta.
El del medio, tartamudo, comenzó a decir:
¡Ja-Ja-Ja-Ja!
Y el que conducÃa, al pensar que se su amigo se reÃa, aceleraba cada vez más.
Después de un rato, cuando se detuvieron, el del medio habló diciendo:
¡Ja-Ja-Ja-Jaime se cayó!
06
Oct
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Conyers!
Conyers who?
Conyers please open the door!
06
Oct
A litte boys goes to his father and asks him the difference between hypothetical and a fact.
His father tells him to go ask his mother if she would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.
The boy asks his mother and she replies Hell yeah.
He tells his father what she says and then his father tells him to go ask his sister if she would sleep with the principal for a million dollars.
He asks and his sister replies Yes.
He again tells his father what the answer was. The little boy asks So whats the difference?
The father replied Hypothetically were rich, the fact is were just living with a couple of whores.