10. Everbody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins and only

because they havent had sex yet.





9. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc…, school just sucks.





8. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like



smoking something a whole lot stronger.





7. You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.





6. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to drink.





5. Sex releives stress, school is the cause of stress.





4. Nothing beats the hands on experience you get with sex.





3. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.





2. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still cheaper



than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.





1. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At



school your teachers screw you regardless!!!

13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.

Yo mamas like…

– Yo mamas like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball. Shes picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
– Yo mamas like a rifle…four cocks and shes loaded.
– Yo mamas like a bubble gum machine…five cents a blow.
– Yo mamas like Chinese food…sweet, sour, and cheap.
– Yo mamas like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
– Yo mamas like Burger King… Your way, right away.
– Yo mamas like a squirrel, shes always got some nuts in her mouth.
– Yo mamas like 7-Eleven… open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
– Yo mamas like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
– Yo mamas like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
– Yo mamas like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
– Yo mamas like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
– Yo mamas like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
– Yo mamas like a microwave, one button and shes hot.
– Yo mamas like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
– Yo mamas like a mail box, open day and night.
– Yo mamas like a bag of potato chips, Free-To-Lay.
– Yo mamas like a turtle, once shes on her back shes fucked.
– Yo mamas like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
– Yo mamas like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
– Yo mamas like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
– Yo mamas like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
– Yo mamas like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
– Yo mamas like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
– Yo mamas like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
– Yo mamas like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
– Yo mamas like Pizza Hut, if she isnt there in 30 minutes… its free.
– Yo mamas like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
– Yo mamas like a carpenters dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
– Yo mamas like a gas station… you gotta pay before you pump.
– Yo mamas like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
– Yo mamas like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
– Yo mamas like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
– Yo mamas like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
– Yo mamas like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
– Yo mamas like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
– Yo mamas like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers.
– Yo mamas like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
– Yo mamas like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
– Yo mamas like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
– Yo mamas like a Toyota, OOooh what a feeling!
– Yo mamas like a vacuum cleaner… a real good suck.
– Yo mamas like a vacuum cleaner… she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
– Yo mamas like an ice cream cone… everyone gets a lick.
– Yo mamas like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
– Yo mamas like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
– Yo mamas like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
– Yo mamas like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
– Yo mamas like Dennys… open 24 hours.
– Yo mamas like McDonalds… Billions and Billions served.
– Yo mamas like McDonalds… What you want is what you get.
– Yo mamas like mustard, she spreads easy.
– Yo mamas like the Pillsbury dough boy… everybody pokes her.
– Yo mamas like lettuce, $1 a head.
– Yo mamas like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your momma is so fat… the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
– Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said Sorry…No proffessionals allowed!!!
-Yo mommas so fat, when the lord said – Let There Be Light, he had to ask her to move over!
-Yo mamas teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN!
-Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,yes please!
-Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
-Yo mommas so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World!
-Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift!
-Yo mommas so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!

Im out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

All my life I said I wanted to be someone…
I can see now that I should have been more specific.

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands.

2.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, Darn, I almost made it!

3.Wash you hair and dry it in the hand dryer.

4.Wear papertowels wrapped around your head and pretend youre Erykah Badu.

5.Write on the wall of a womens bathroom Tom was here. In the mens bathroom write Michael Jackson was here.

6.Ask a person in the stall next to you for a tampon.

7.Roll a roll of toilet paper all the way down the row of stalls.

8.For women, stand in front of the toilet.

9.Scream Ohh it burns! as you use the bathroom.

10.Lock the door from the inside, sound frustrated that you cant get out, then crawl under the door, getting as dirty as possible and complain to the manager that the door is faulty.

You can enjoy a cucumber all night long.
You dont have to drink wine and dine with a cucumber before getting to the fun stuff.
Your cucumber will always wait patiently for you in the car while you go shopping.
When your cucumber goes soft you toss it.
Cucumbers cant tell time, so they dont know when youre late.
A cucumber doesnt get jealous when you grab another cucumber (or even a carrot!)
When you go to the grocery store, you can always pick up a cucumber.
A cucumber wont get upset if you come home with another cucumber on your breath (or a fresh leafy vegetable in your pocket).
If you eat a cucumber right, you always have a mouthful.
You can have more than one cucumber a night and not feel guilty (theyre low in calories)
A cucumber always goes down easy.
You can share a cucumber with friends.
You always know when youre the first one to eat a cucumber.
A cucumber is always hard.
You can have a cucumber in public
A frigid cucumber is a fresh cucumber.
You dont have to wash a cucumber before it tastes good.
The older a cucumber, the larger it gets.
Cucumbers dont fool around.
You can keep a cucumber in your apartment without upsetting your mother.
Cucumbers cant get you pregnant.
Cucumbers dont get drunk (although they have been known to get pickled now and then)

(This joke was stolen from Paul Therouxs Picture Palace and Theroux
probably got it from somewhere else before that.)

Old lady calls up police department: Officer, there is a man exposing
himself in the next building.

Dispatcher: Well be right over, lady.

(Five minutes later at her apartment.)

Officer: Which way, lady?

OL: This way officer, hes still shamelessly baring himself.

Officer: Where is he, lady? I dont see no naked man.

OL: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.

Ken

This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:

Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?

Brian: Yeah, sure.

Presenter: O.K., Question 1 – When was the last time you had sex?

Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 oclock this morning.

Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?

Brian: Hmmmmm …. about 10 minutes.

Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?

Brian: Ohhhh , I cant say that.

Presenter: Theres a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!

Brian: O.K. … O.K. … On the kitchen table.

Presenter:(and others in the room – much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?

Brian: Yeah, alright.

Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?

Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.

Presenter: (Explains competition again) Weve got Brian on the other line, say hello.

Sharelle: Hi Brian.

Brian: Hi Sharelle.

Presenter: Now Sharelle, were going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.

Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.

Sharelle: O.K.

Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?

Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I cant say that on radio.

Brian: Sharelle, it doesnt matter. Ive already told them.

Sharelle: O.K. … About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?

Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.

Co-Presenter: Thats close enough … Brian was just being a gentleman.

Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?

Sharelle: Oh no I cant say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.

Presenter: Theres a trip to Bali on the line here.

Brian: Sharelle, Ive already told them so it doesnt matter anyway.. just tell em.

Sharelle: Ohhhh …. alright …. Up the ass!

Radio Silence