Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they werent mine.
His second friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasnt mine.
Santa says, I think my wife is having an affair with a horse. Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. No Im serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didnt have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one..
I sure do, he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.
Wow! said his friend, where did you get that monster.
I got it from my genie.
You have a genie? he asked.
Yes, hes right here in my pocket.
Could I see him?
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.
The friend says, Im a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?
Yes I will, the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his masters pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.
About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!
He answers, I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?
Posted in Genie |
PCMCIA: People Cant Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI: System Cant See It
DOS: Defunct Operating System
BASIC: Bills Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW: World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
Posted in Computer |
(source: Rex Loring, former RAF pilot)
Air-to-ground conversation involving BOAC pilot approaching Karachi
(Pakistan) International Airport:
Pilot: Speedbird 7-0-7 here. Request permission to land on runway 42-
Left.
Tower: Sorry, Speedbird 7-0-7. Runway 42-Left is closed. There was an
unfortunate incident yesterday. But you are cleared for landing on runway
19-Right.
Pilot: Roger Karachi tower. Proceeding on approach pattern.
[As the pilot enters final approach, he is appalled to see a 747 taking
off from that runway and heading straight at him. After taking violent
evasive action, the conversation resumes]
Pilot: Karachi Tower. What is going on ?? You cleared me for landing
on runway 19-Right, but there was another plane taking off from there !!!
Tower: Oh dear. I do hope we will not have a repeat of yesterday.
Posted in Aviation |
Es el primer dÃa de colegio de Jaimito, y como estaba muy nervioso, su madre le aconseja lo siguiente:
Cuando la profesora te pregunte cuántos años tienes le dices que 6 añitos; cuando te pregunte el nombre le dices Jaimito y si te pregunta si sabes leer le dices que un poquito.
Jaimito ya está en el colegio y la profesora le pregunta: ¿Cómo te llamas?
Y Jaimito, muy nervioso, contesta en el orden que le habÃa dicho su madre: 6 añitos.
¿Cuántos años tienes?
Jaimito.
¿Me estás tomando el pelo?
Un poquito.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Whats the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
Posted in Love and marriage |
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctors advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?
Posted in Blonde |
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Posted in Blonde |
On Campus: In a rare lapse of generosity, the NCAA has decided college
athletes can get jobs. This statement was sent via ship-to-shore cable
from the NCAA yacht SS TV Revenue anchored off Monte Carlo.
Athletes just cant make it anymore on what alumni give them, says Alan
Ray.
Posted in True Stories |
Tonights weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn.
Posted in One Liners |