Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!

Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise

Contagious Smile means: Bring your penicillin

IBM: Infernal Bloody Monopoly

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There he is greeted by George Washington.

How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive! yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: You wanted to end the Americans liberty, so they gave you death! Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense! He drops a large weight on Osamas knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, This is not what I was promised!

An angel replies: I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?

Van en el coche papá cruel, mamá cruel y los dos hijos crueles…

De pronto los niños gritan: Más rápido papá, más rápido… y el papá cruel acelera… 120 km por hora…

Los niños siguen… Más rápido pápá, más rápido… y llegan a 140.

De pronto a la mamá le da calor y saca la cabeza por la ventanilla, justo cuando pasaban muy cerca de un árbol y ¡ZAZ! la mamá cruel es decapitada. Tanto el papá como los hijos comienzan a llorar…

Después de unos minutos el papá les pregunta a sus hijos:¿Y ustedes por que lloran?

A lo que los hijos contestan, ¡Por que no vimos!

Era un niño tan feo, pero tan feo, que cuando nació la mamá le preguntó al médico:

Doctor, ¿qué fue? ¡Dígame que fue!

No sé señora, ¡pero si se mueve lo mato!

Un día en clases, Pepito le pregunta a la maestra:

Señorita, ¿las pijamas se chupan?

La maestra, sorprendida, le responde al menor:

No, Pepito, ¿por qué preguntas eso?

Es que anoche escuché que mi mamá le decía a mi papá: ¡Quítate la pijama, amor, que te la voy a chupar.

A man had a habit of buying things immediately after reading the ads about the products in the paper. Naturally, his wife was not too happy about it. One day the man read an ad about a sale on steel-belted radial tires. He jumped up, exclaiming that he would quickly buy four tires while the sale was on.

The wife complained, ?I dont know whats wrong with you. You are going to buy four expensive tires when youve got a crappy old car??

The man replied, ?Dont make such a big deal about it! I dont complain when you buy new bras, do I??

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the
street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they
decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it
home and parked it in the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling
water on their new car. It didnt need a wash, so he ran out and asked
the priest what he was doing. Im blessing it the priest replied.

The rabbi replied Oh, then he ran back into the synagogue. He
reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut
off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.