Knock Knock
Whos there?
Donalette!
Donalette who?
Donalette the bed bugs bite!

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.

You wont stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

Q: How many FORTRAN programs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1.00000000001

So this guy walks into a bar and says, “Gve me two beers.”

The bartender obliges him.

The guy looks into his wallet and says, “Give me two more beers.”

So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.

So the bartender asks, “Whats in your wallet that you keep looking at?”

So the man opens his wallet and says, “The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets.”

Grandpa and his grandson were sitting reading when she asked,

Did God make you, Grandpa?

Yes, God made me, the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little boy asked him, Did God make me too?

Yes, He did, the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little boy seemed to be studying his grandpa, as well as his own reflection in the mirror, while his grandfather wondered what was running through his mind. At last he spoke up.

You know, Grandpa, he said, Gods doing a lot better job lately.

Grabación de la contestadora del Instituto de Salud Mental

Gracias por llamar al Instituto de Salud Mental, su más sana compañía en sus momentos de mayor locura:

· Si usted es obsesivo-compulsivo, presione repetidamente el número 1.

· Si usted es co-dependiente, pídale a alguien que presione el número 2 por usted.

· Si usted tiene múltiples personalidades, presione el 3, 4, 5, y 6.

· Si usted es paranoico, nosotros ya sabemos quién es usted, sabemos lo que hace, y sabemos lo que quiere. Espere en la línea mientras rastreamos su llamada.

· Si usted sufre de alucinaciones, presione el 7 y su llamada será transferida al departamento de Elefantes Rosados.

· Si usted es esquizofrénico, escuche cuidadosamente, y una pequeña voz le dirá cuál número presionar.

· Si usted es depresivo, no importa cual número marque. Nadie le va a contestar.

· Si usted sufre de amnesia, presione 8 y diga en voz alta su nombre, dirección, teléfonos, cédula, fecha de nacimiento, estado civil y el apellido de soltera de su madre.

· Si usted sufre de estrés post-traumático, presione lentamente la tecla # hasta que alguien se apiade de usted.

· Si usted sufre de indecisión, deje su mensaje luego de escuchar el tono, o antes del tono, o después del tono, o durante el tono. En todo caso, espere el tono.

· Si sufre de pérdida de la memoria a corto plazo, presione 9. Si sufre de perdida de la memoria a corto plazo, presione 9. Si sufre de perdida de la memoria a corto plazo, presione 9. Si sufre de perdida de la memoria a corto plazo, presione 9.

· Si tiene la autoestima baja, por favor cuelgue. Todos nuestros operadores están ocupados atendiendo a personas más importantes que usted.

Its wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preachers wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she look one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a deadfaint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

PS. Sure is hot down here

Be content with what youve got, but be sure youve got plenty.

Two cowboys came riding around a bend in the trail and saw an indian on
the ground. His head was tilted with his ear on the ground. When he saw
the cowboys he said, Three men, large wagon, four horses. One of the
cowboys asked in amazement, You can tell all that just by listening to the
ground?

No, said the indian, They ran over me…..