Mr. Starr:
I am Starr, Star I are.
Im a brilliant barri-star.
Im here to ask, as youll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-ski?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?
Mr. Clinton:
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join — even for fun —
The Mile High Club in Air Force One.
So stow your feathers and your tar.
I did not do her, Starr you are!
Mr. Starr:
Did you smile? Did you flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie
When called upon to testify?
Mr. Clinton:
That is it; youve gone too far!
I do not like you, Starr you are!
I will not answer any more;
In fact, I think Ill start a war!
The publics easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!
Mr. Starr:
Mr. President, confess, did you make a sticky mess?
A mess on Miss Lewinskis dress?
A mess she holds so near and dear
She saved it as a souvenir?
And may I take a cell or two from you
And prove that one and one makes two?
Mr. Clinton:
I do not like this, Starr you are,
And I admit you went too far
And I did things with sweet Miss L.
Too inappropriate to tell.
A valiant battle we have fought,
Apologies are what you sought,
Im very sorry I got caught!
A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection one afternoon observed a blind man with his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross the street.
All of a sudden, the policeman was aghast at the sight of the seeing-eye dog bolting out into the street in front of heavy traffic at one of the busiest intersections in the whole city, dragging the blind man along with the dogs leash in the blind mans hands while cars were trying to stop,screeching their brakes and swerving to avoid a fatal accident.The policeman was absolutely horrified, but could do nothing to assist. To the immediate relief of the horrified police officer, the blind man and his dog somehow made it across the street without suffering any harm to themselves whatsoever.It was a miracle!
The police officer, still in shock, observed the blind man, upon reaching the corner sidewalk after having nearly been killed crossing the street, reach into his pocket and pull out a cookie and offer it to his seeing-eye dog.
The officer ran to the blind man and said to him in a loud distraught tone, “Dont you realize that you could have been killed by your dog dragging you out into a busy street in front of heavy traffic like that? And NOW youre going toreward him?”
The blind man hesitated a moment, then he said to the policeman, “Why, no sir! Im just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick hisass!"
Mido aproximadamente 7 pulgadas. Mi funcionamiento lo disfrutan miembros de ambos sexos. Usualmente me encuentro colgando suelto y listo para la acción.
Tengo un montón de pelos en un extremo y un pequeño orificio en el otro. Cuando estoy en uso soy insertado, casi siempre de buena gana, algunas veces lentamente y otras rápido dentro de una abertura tibia, carnosa y húmeda. Ahà me encuentro entrando una y otra vez, rápidamente, muchas veces, acompañado de movimientos corporales. Cualquiera que esté escuchando seguramente reconocerá el rÃtmico sonido de los bien lubricados movimientos.
Cuando finalmente salgo, dejo una substancia blancuzca, jugosa, espumosa y pegajosa, la cual requerirá de limpieza de las superficies exteriores de la abertura y también de mi larga anatomÃa.
Después de que todo ha terminado, regreso a mi libre estado de descanso, listo para otro poco de acción.
Si me va bien, volveré a ese maravilloso estado de clÃmax dos o tres veces por dÃa, pero, por supuesto, casi siempre es mucho menos que eso.
¿Quién soy?
EL CEPILLO DE DIENTES
¿En qué estaban pensando?
Un policÃa se encuentra en una esquina cumpliendo su horario de vigilancia, cuando se le acerca un niño:
Por favor, señor policÃa, ¿podrÃa usted decirme la hora?
Claro, jovencito, son las once menos diez minutos, responde el oficial.
¡Bien, cuando sean las once chúpame el pito! responde el niño y sale disparando.
El agente comienza a perseguirlo; cuando llega a la siguiente esquina otro policÃa lo para y le pregunta que por qué tanto apuro. Entonces, el perseguidor le cuenta lo ocurrido.
¿Y por qué te apuras tanto, si aún faltan cinco minutos para las once?
What is greater than God,
More evil than the devil?
The poor have it,
The rich need it,
And if you eat it, you die?
Answer: Nothing!
Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworthss (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Santa to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Banta finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Banta goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Banta comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Banta: What! This is shit! Banta calmly replies: Yes, and I want toilet paper
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.
A Christmas card sent from a Democrat to his Republican Friend:
The election is over, the results are known,
the will of the people has clearly been shown.
Lets forget the quarrels and show by our deeds,
we will give our leader all the help that he needs.
So lets all get together, and let bitterness pass,
Ill hug your elephant and you kiss my ass.
A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?
The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, Tell you what – why don’t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you’ve got something really big and hard down there, and they’ll want you.
So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can’t understand what’s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, What am I doing wrong? You said they’d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!
Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!
Los pendejos según los signos del zodÃaco
Aries: Sólo él es el pendejo, nadie más.
Tauro: Lento, pero pendejo.
Géminis: Pendejo por partida doble.
Cáncer: Se siente de cualquier pendejada.
Leo: Está orgulloso de ser El Gran Pendejo.
Virgo: Analiza por qué hace tantas pendejadas.
Libra: ¿Soy pendejo o pendeja? Sà o no… Pero ¿y sÃ? ¿No o sÃ?
Escorpión: Hace sus pendejadas bien pensadas y con saña.
Sagitario: Sus constantes pendejadas, apendejan a cualquiera.
Capricornio: Es pendejo sólo para incomodar a los demás.
Acuario: Los equinoccios lo traen todo pendejo.
Piscis: Es sensitivo y pendejo.