Q: What is Clintons plan to create thousands of small businesses?
A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.
04
Jul
04
Jul
Mom, how did I get my name?
asked a boy I name all my children after the first thing I see on the way to the hospital. Like your sisters name is Running Deer and your brothers name is Crawling Lizard. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Pee?
04
Jul
An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, Whats your problem, Soldier?
Chronic syphilis, Sir.
What treatment are you getting?
Five minutes with the wire brush each day.
Whats your ambition?
To get back to the front, Sir.
Good man, said the Major.
He went to the next bed, Whats your problem, Soldier?
Chronic piles, Sir.
What treatment are you getting?
Five minutes with the wire brush each day.
Whats your ambition?
To get back to the front, Sir.
Good man, barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, Whats your problem, Soldier?
Chronic gum disease, Sir
What treatment are you getting?
Five minutes with the wire brush each day.
Whats your ambition?
To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!
04
Jul
Dos homosexuales van caminando por la calle. Uno de ellos comenta:
¡Ay, mana, acabo de venir de la cita con mi urólogo!
¡Ay! ¿Y qué te dijo?
Me diagnosticaron piedritas en los riñones.
¡Babosa, eso te pasa por meterte con albañiles!
04
Jul
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isnt, how do you explain the way it works against you?
04
Jul
[NOTE: For those who are not aware, two of the oldest American Universities that are long-standing rivals are Harvard and Yale.]
At the Yale-Harvard football game, a Harvard man was horrified to see a Yaley leaving the mens room without washing his hands.
At Harvard, he said haughtily, we learn to wash our hands after urinating.
At Yale, the other retorted, we learn not to urinate on our hands.
04
Jul
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket?
A. A rebel without a clue!
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last years hide and seek champ.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A space invader.
Q: What do you call a really smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What does a blonde say during a porno?
A: There I am!!
Q: What does the postcard from a blondes vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
04
Jul
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car
which said: Two Prostitutes — $50.00. A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them theyd either have to remove the sign or go
to jail.Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: JESUS SAVESOne of the girls asked the officer, How come you dont stop them?Well, thats a little different, the officer smiled Their sign
pertains to religion.So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and
drove off.The following day found the same police officer in the area when he
noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car
again.Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he
noticed the new sign which now read:Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter — $50.00.
03
Jul
My god! What happened to you? the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
I got in a tiff with Riley.
Riley? Hes just a wee fellow, the barkeep said, surprised. He must have had something in his hand.
That he did, Kelly said. A shovel it was.
Dear Lord. Didnt you have anything in your hand?
Aye, that I did, Mrs. Rileys tit, Kelly said. And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.
03
Jul
Un joven muy bailador llega a una fiesta y no encuentra una pareja para bailar. En eso mira a una linda señorita que está en una mesa con sus padres y se dirige hacia ella.
¿Me permitirÃa bailar? le dijo el joven.
Los padres y la joven se miran entre si y le responden:
Disculpe joven, lo que pasa es que la señorita no tiene piernas.
El joven apenado responde:
Perdóneme, pero no era mi intención ofender, no sabÃa lo de su estado, pero aun asà quisiera bailar con ella, yo la sujetarÃa fuerte y asà bailarÃamos sin problemas.
La señorita y sus padres aceptaron y los dos empezaron a bailar. Pero como la chica estaba muy pegada a las partes Ãntimas del joven, éste empezó a exitarse y ella también. Entonces él le propone a la chica estar en un lugar mas solo y ella le dice que en la parte trasera de la casa hay un árbol de mangos y que ahà puede ser.
Cuando están debajo del árbol de mangos, él le propone hacer el amor, pero no sabe como hacerlo. Ella le dice que la suba un poco para sujetarse de una de las ramas del árbol. Después de terminar, el joven la baja de la rama y la lleva a la mesa donde están los padres de la chica.
Aquà está su hija, Señores. Gracias por todo. dijo el joven.
Y los padres de la chica le responden: Usted sà que es un caballero, noble, honesto, gentil…
No es para tanto, interrumpe el joven.
Claro que sÃ. Usted es el único que la ha traÃdo hasta aquÃ. ¡Los demás me la han dejado colgada de la rama!