Old and New Jokes

Mary had a little lamb


she tied it to a pile-on,


10,000 volts went up its tail


and turned its wool to nylon.

What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?

– Quattro Sink-o

After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said, Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years of marriage?

Not even once! exclaimed Ole. Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?

Well, er, yes — but only three times, she admitted somewhat embarrassed.

Hmmm, three times? questioned Ole. Thats not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?

Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council? asked Lena. That was the first time.

And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector? she asked. That was the second time.

OK, Lena, when was the third time? queried Ole?

The third time was Lena paused. Do you remember when you were running for president of the Sons of Norway and you needed 125 votes?

Seen in Trade-a-Plane, the biggest aviation for sale newspaper in the US:

1978 182RG [data deleted]

Wife wont fly. Selling plane, keeping wife. Both are great.

$58,000.00

Got a postcard from my son at Texas Tech the other day:

Dear Dad,

No mon, no fun.

– Your Son

I felt sorry for him so I wrote back:

Dear Son,

Too bad, so sad.

– Your Dad.

IBM: Itll Be Messy

Un yanqui y un ruso se encuentran en un bar de mala muerte. Media hora después, empiezan a discutir por un lío de faldas y el americano lanza un reto al ruso.

El ruso permanece a la expectativa. De improviso, el gringo se le queda mirando fijamente a los ojos, acerca la mano a su bragueta y mediante un movimiento de arriba abajo, descubrir a través de la bragueta un enorme falo de más de 50 cm de largo, dejando asomar por ambos lados de aquel inmenso aparato dos enormes testículos.

Con una sonrisa maliciosa, el norteamericano indica:

Bill… Búfalo Bill.

Con indiferencia, el ruso dirige la mano derecha hacia su bragueta y, con igual movimiento de arriba abajo, saca dos enormes miembros de casi 50 cm cada uno y ¡tres testículos!, a la vez que le responde al gringo con una sonrisa burlona y satírica:

Byl… ¡Chernobyl!

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: What is the usual tip?

Well, replied the youth, this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, Ill be doing great. Is that so? snorted Larry. Well, just to show them how wrong they are, heres five dollars.

Thanks, replied the youth, Ill put this in my school fund.

What are you studying in school? asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: Applied psychology.

Laughing gas in balloons

At a friends wedding, the bridal party filled their car with balloons–all filled with laughing gas. They put them everywhere, under seats, in the glove box, etc. They popped the balloons, and everyone was relaxed and laughing. But balloons were popping all during the trip of their honeymoon. They said they enjoyed the trick.

Glibs Fourth Law of Unreliability: Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.