Do you know why the British ships came back from the Falkland Islands
full of sheep?
War brides.
09
May
09
May
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
09
May
09
May
What do you call two black guys on a bike?
Organized crime.
09
May
A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.
The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other mans hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church. The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention…
09
May
Two boys are playing football in Columbus when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.
A reporter from the Columbus Dispatch who was strolling by, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy.
Young Buckeye Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal, he starts writing in his notebook.
But Im not a Buckeye fan, the little hero replied.replied.
Sorry, since we are in Columbus I just assumed you were, said the reporter and starts again.
Little Bobcat Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack he continued writing in his notebook.
I am not a Bobcat fan either, the boy said.
I assumed everyone in Central Ohio was either for the Buckeyes or Bobcats. What team do you root for? the reporter asked.
Im a Michigan fan. the child replied.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet.
09
May
TOP 10 REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.)
9. Theres a slight difference in our ages.. (I dont want to do my dad)
8. Im not attracted to you in that way.. (You are the ugliest dork Ive ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.. I dont want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys Im seeing.)
6. Ive got a boyfriend .. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerrys)..
5. I dont date men where I work.. (I wouldnt date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.)
4. Its not you, its me.. (Its you.)
3. Im concentrating on my career.. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. Im celibate.. (Ive sworn off only the men like you.)
and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it really means)
1. Lets be friends.. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. Its that male perspective thing.)
08
May
Q: How long does it take a C programmer to screw in a light bulb?
A: 24 hours–3 minutes to put in the bulb, the rest of the time to compile all the libraries…
08
May
100 men were waiting at the pearly gates of heaven to go when god appeared.
He said since as you have all lived such good lifes, i will grant you all
one wish each!
So, turning to guy No.1 he said what would you like as your wish?
To be beautiful was his reply, and so it was done.
God asked the question to man 2 and he also said to be beautiful.
Then they all were saying it and when it got to guy number 14, number 100 at the back began to giggle …
Guy 28 was saying he wanted to be beautiful when man 100 laughed out loud, and he got a piercing stare from everyone.
By the time it got to man 84, the number 100 was rollling on the floor
laughing his head off!!! But they all ignored him.
After man numero 99 said he wished to be hansome (a bit of variation!) the
guy 100 finally got his wish.
But first God asked why he was laughing, no reason he said; so God
shrugged his shoulders and asked him the same question as all the others:
what do you want?
The 100th guy said To make them all butt-ugly again!
08
May
Un hombre se dirige a Texas para hablar con el Gran Jefe de un campamento indio. Una vez allÃ, se encuentra con un indÃgena y le pregunta:
¿Dónde puedo encontrar al Gran Jefe?
El nativo le responde:
Gran Jefe Indio estar en gran cascada.
¿Y dónde está la gran cascada?
Molesto, el apache le responde:
¡Mi no saber, hoy cascársela aquà y mañana por allÃ!