Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked the young engineer, fresh out of MIT, And what starting salary were you looking for?
The engineer said, In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.
The interviewer said, Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a new company car leased every two years … perhaps, a red Corvette?
The young engineer sat up straight and said, Wow! Are you kidding?
The interviewer replied,
Yeah, but you started it.
Posted in Doctor |
En un concierto donde se eataba presentando Juan Gabriel hicieron una rifa. La persona del público que tuviera el tercer número iba a ir a cenar con el artista.
Entonces el conductor dice, Ok, el primer número es 641: está eliminado. El segundo número es 1058: está eliminado. ¡Y el tercer número y el ganador es: el número 934! Si a la cuenta de tres esta persona no aparece será eliminado.
Entre el público habÃa un mudo y cuando miró su boleto se dio cuenta de que tenÃa el número 934. Entonces comenzó a brincar ¡MMMMM… MMMM… MMMMAAAA! pero entre tanta gente no le hacÃan caso.
Entonces el conductor dijo, El número 934 a la una, 934 a las dos… y el mudo pujaba ¡MMMAA… AAAAAMMM! …el numero 934 alas tr…
De pronto al mudo se le ocurre una idea, se baja el cierre y se saca el asunto. Entonces una muchacha que estaba a un lado lo ve y grita, ¡EL MUDO SE LA SACO! y el conductor dice, ¡Tenemos al ganador!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Una vieja solterona consulta a un abogado para hacer su testamento. El abogado le pregunta: ¿Cuáles son sus propiedades y cómo desea distribuirlas en el testamento?
Aparte de los muebles, tengo una cuenta de ahorros de 50,000 dólares.
¿Y qué piensa hacer con el dinero?
Bueno, yo he vivido una vida muy recluida. La gente del barrio no saben ni quién soy yo. Me gustarÃa apartar 45 mil para el funeral.
Muy bien, pero, dÃgame, ¿qué piensa hacer con los otros US$ 5,000?
Pues como nunca me he acostado con un hombre, quiero usar el resto del dinero conseguir un hombre que se acueste conmigo. ¿Usted cree que me pueda conseguir a alguien?
Esa noche, cuando el abogado le contó a su esposa la petición tan rara que habÃa hecho su nueva clienta, la esposa le insinuó lo mucho que podrÃan hacer con los 5,000 extras. Después de convencerlo, acuerdaron que él iba a ganarse ese dinero, no sin antes advertirle:
Te voy a llevar a la casa de la solterona mañana tempranito, y te voy a esperar a que termines.
La mañana siguiente, la mujer lo llevó a la casa de la solterona y lo esperó. Pasaron tres horas y como el esposo no salÃa, la mujer, desesperada, comenzó a tocar la bocina del auto. El esposo se asomó por la ventana y le gritó:
¡Ven a buscarme mañana, ya la convencà de que la entierren en una fosa común!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Monicas nickname for bill: Sir Blow-alot
Posted in Political |
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted…
Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbors wife.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Taught by men, for women. 101
Avoiding Walking in Front of the TV 102
Doing Housework Without Complaining 103
Shopping: Buying What You Can Afford, Not What You Can Charge 104
Going to The Washroom Alone
(formerly Coping Without My Friends) 105
Understanding the Male Response to Do I Look OK? 106
Exercise: How it Keeps You from Looking Like Your Mother 107
Learning How to Initiate Intimacy 108
How to Apologize When You Are Obviously Wrong 109
Understanding the Male Response to Am I Fat? 110
Dishwashers: Rinsing Before Is Not a Must 111
The Toilet Seat: I Can Learn to Put It Down Too 112
Using the Thesaurus: Alternatives to Make Love 113
The Weekend and Long Boring Walks Are Not Synonymous 114
How to Go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Embarrass Him 115
The Remote Control: Dont Touch What You Cant Handle 116
You Too Can Be the One to Hang Up the Phone 117
Honest, You Dont Look Like Kim Bassinger – But Youre Acceptable 118
Hairspray: The Effects On The Ecosystem
(formerly One Can Is Enough) 119
Runs In Your Nylons? Its Not the End of the World 120
Fishing: Being Able to Bait Your Own Hook 121
Intimacy: More Than Just Lying There 122
Learning to Choose What to Wear In Less Than Four Hours 123
Vacations: Doing Without 4 Suitcases 124
Makeup: The Less is More Theory 125
Nagging: Stop the Insanity!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel…
Posted in Seasonal / Holiday |
Some good put-downs…ya never know when youll need one!
I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you –its against my morals to attack an unarmed person.
Are your parents cousins?
Your teeth are so yellow, I cant believe its not butter.
Nice face…what are you going to do when the baboon wants his ass back?
Oh my God, look at you! Anyone else hurt in the accident?
What other problems do you have besides being unemployed, a moron and a dork?
Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Denver!
Denver who?
Denver the good old days!
Posted in Knock-knock |
After a long sequence of lovemaking, the doctor glanced adoringly at his lady love, who dozed next to him. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pang of guilt.
Relax, Howard, he told himself. You’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients.
No, another inner voice says.., but, you’re a veterinarian!
Posted in Tasteless |