En el aula, la profesora pregunta a sus alumnos:
MarÃa, muéstranos en el mapa donde está América.
La niña apunta a un lugar en el mapa.
¡Muy bien! Ahora, Pepito, dime quien descubrió América?
¡Fue MarÃa, profesora!
10
Jul
10
Jul
Ive suffered enough, when does my artwork improve?
10
Jul
It takes leather balls to play rugby.
10
Jul
Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair.
She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer if I can guess how many sheep in youre flock will you give me a sheep.
The farmer says OK.
The brunette says 485.
The farmer says thats right but if I can guess youre natural hair color can I have my sheep back.
the brunette says OK.
The farmer says blonde.
The brunette says how did you know.
The farmer says you just picked the dog.
10
Jul
Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections?
A: A wine and cheese party!
10
Jul
This young man went to the beach in search of girls, and after strolling around
for some time, he wasnt even getting a glance from any of them. He began to
feel kind of discouraged, and he noticed that they were flirting with the
lifeguard.
He walked up to the lifeguard and asked him how he was able to attract so many
girls. The lifeguard said that the secret was to put a potato inside of his
trunks.
So the next morning the young man put a potato in his trunks and went back to
the beach. This time the girls were giving him disgusted looks and were turning
away from him.
He went back to the lifeguard and asked why it didnt work. The lifeguard said,
Try it again tomorrow and this time, put the potato in front.
10
Jul
Day 752: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I
am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me
going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get
from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I
may eat another houseplant.
Day 761: Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded,
must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair… must
try this on their bed.
Day 762: Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors
with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly
hours of the night.
Day 765: Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am
capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was …Hmmm. Not working according to plan ……
Day 768: I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For
no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time
however it included a burning foamy chemical called shampoo.
What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771: There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. How-
ever, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the
glass tubes they call beer. More importantly I overheard
that my confinement was due to MY power of allergies. Must
learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774: I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more
than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird
on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered
their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every
move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his
safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of
time.
10
Jul
Bill Gates in his early thirties decided that he should get married. He puts a personal ad in a newspaper and he only gets one reply. What the heck, he says and meets the woman. She is ok, so after a few weeks they get married.
On the first night of their marriage, Bill was hoping to have the greatest time of his life. He got himself stark naked in the bathroom, admired his body (!) in the mirror and walked into the bedroom where his wife was waiting.
After a few minutes of foreplay, she turns to him and says: Gee, now I know why you call your company Micro-Soft.
10
Jul
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
Excuse me, he said, have you lost something?
No, replied one of the doctors. Were doing a heart transplant for an IRS agent and want to find a suitable rock.
10
Jul
You might be a redneck if your gas pedal in the car is shaped like a bare foot!