Internet es la amante de mi marido.
Es el sistema ideal para buscar una cosa y encontrar otra.
Es eso a lo que uno se conecta cuando quieres cortarte las uñas mientras esperas.
Fabuloso sistema para impedir que mi suegra llame por teléfono.
Es un cursor en forma de reloj de arena.
Internet es la cybertierra prometida.
La mejor manera de distraer a tu novia para conocer a sus amigas.
A Freudian Slip is when you intend to say one
thing but instead say your mother.
John Kallam graduated with a BA in criminology and entered the U.S. Army. He served for 20 years beginning in the late 1930s. He was an investigator during the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals, and stayed in Germany for many years organizing civilian police forces in the post-war era. He also wrote numerous books on criminal justice. He retired from military service in the late 1950s at the rank of full colonel.Returning to Fresno, California, he began teaching criminology at what was then Fresno State College. His work was well respected, but after about 10 years of service, he was called to see the president of the college.He was informed that he could no longer teach with just a bachelors degree. Times were changing, he was told, and the school demanded that faculty members hold a graduate degree. Merely having 20 years of distinguished experience was no longer considered sufficient qualification to teach. All new faculty were being required to hold a doctorate, it was explained, and the school was actually doing him a favor by letting him keep his job by getting only a masters degree.So John enrolled in a summer program at an out of state college. Three months of intensive seminars and then nine months of home study would get him his MA. On the first day of class, the instructor was taking roll. He stopped when he read Johns name. Are you related to the John Kallam who wrote the textbook well be using? he asked.I *am* the John Kallam who wrote the textbook youre using, came the dry response.
A woman walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.
Looking around at the exotica, she notices a very
life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It has no
price tag, but it looks so striking she decides she
must have it. She takes it to the owner: How much is
the bronze rat?Twelve dollars for the rat, a hundred dollars for the
story, says the owner.The woman gives the shop owner twelve dollars. Ill
just take the rat; you can keep the story.As she walks down the street carrying the bronze rat,
she notices that a few real rats have crawled out of
alleys and sewers, and begun following her down the
street. This is a bit disconcerting, so she begins
walking a little bit faster.Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind
her grows to over a hundred, and they begin squealing.
She starts to trot towards the Bay. She takes a
nervous look around and sees that the rats now number
in the thousands, maybe in the millions, and they are
all squealing and coming towards her faster and
faster.Terrified, she runs to the edge of the Bay and throws
the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as she can.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay
after it, and are all drowned.The woman walks back to the curio shop. Aha, says
the owner, Ill bet you have come back for the
story.Actually no, says the woman. I came back to see if
you have a bronze Republican
A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, I would like a bourbon and…… a coke. The bar tender says Whats up with the big pause? The bear said Ive had them all my life
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Beso árabe: Saliva va, saliva viene y con la lengua se entretiene.
Beso de monaguillo: Hasta tocar la campanilla.
Beso del mexicano: Hasta amanecer y con todo y gallo.
Beso de columpio: Con la baba colgando.
Beso de torero: Con oreja y rabo.
Beso de pajarito: De piquito a piquito.
Beso de tamal: Con todo y la carne adentro.
Beso de músico: De trompeta a trompeta.
Beso de la caja fuerte: Dos a la derecha… dos a la izquierda.
Beso de jaula: Con todo y pájaro adentro.
Beso de tiburón: Comiéndose a los pescaditos.
Beso de microondas: Cuando te dejan caliente.
Beso de paleta: Chupar y chupar hasta llegar al palito. (O también, el que se da con todo y palo adentro).
Can any of you relate to these addiction quips? I sure can
The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your little sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.
The remote to the T.V. is missing…and you dont even care.
You begin to wonder how your ISP can call 400 hours per month unlimited!
You ask a plumber if he could replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
The last girl you picked up was a 800×66 jpeg.
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP …because you never log off!
Your wife makes a new rule: The computer cannot come to bed with us.
You tell the kids they cant use the computer because Daddys got work to do and you dont even have a job.
You scan restroom stall for hot HTML addresses.
You have comandeered your teenagers phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
You check your email. It says no new messages. So you check it again…and again…and again…
You suddenly realize there is not a sound in the house, and you have no clue where your children are.
Your dog has its own home page.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you dont have a clue when it happened.
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Youre surprised to learn theres also a 2 oclock in the afternoon.
You unsuccessfully try to download pizza from www.dominos.com.
Your mouse-clicking forearm rivals Popeyes.
Batteries in the TV remote now last for years.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
Your momma so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran out with a spoon!
Youve reached my moms basement, where I continue to live, despite the fact that I am in my mid-40s.
I have no life.
[BEEP]