Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
Your wifes hairdo attracts bees.
02
Jan
02
Jan
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey! said the daughter.
Did it not taste good? her mother asked.
I dont know, the blonde said. It wouldnt sit still!
02
Jan
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
You simpleton! the officer barked. Dont you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?
Yes sir, the solder answered apologetically. But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, Lets eat one now and save the other until winter — that did it.
02
Jan
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.
Well put, the judge replied. Using your logic, I sentence the defendants arm to one years imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.
The defendant smiled. With his lawyers assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
02
Jan
Why do jews stink?
because they are dirty bastards!
Why do jews have big noses?
because air is free!
Why did the jews wander the desert for 40 years before finding the promised land?
because someone lost 50 cents!!!
why do jewish women have dirty pussies?
because they are prostitutes!!
what would you have if you had 1000000 negroes on the moon?
a good start!!
a white woman was fed up of dating white men and said that she wanted to try a negro, so she goes to a bar and finds a negro and takes him home. she gets naked and lies with her legs open and says to him do what you negroes do best, so he grabs the tv and runs away !!!!
why do blondes date negroes?
to get their handbags back!!!
what happens when a naked negro with an erection runs into a brick wall at 100 miles per hour? He breaks his lips!!!!
A Negro was walking down the beach one day when he sees an old lamp, he rubs it and out comes a genie, who grants him 2 wishes. The Negroes 1st wish was to be white and in an instant he was white, for his 2nd wish he said to the genie I wish I never have to work again for the rest of my life and in an instant he was black again !!!!
Why do Negroes always have sex on the mind ? Because they have pubic hair on their head !
Women who swallow spunk after blowjob are cannibals because they are eating part of another humans body!
02
Jan
A person whos both stupid and an asshole.
02
Jan
Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.
A man marries a woman, expecting she will never change, and she does. A woman marries a man expecting he WILL change, and he doesnt.
02
Jan
Q: What does Barbara Bush do with her old clothes ?
A: Wear them.
02
Jan
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. Its not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.
Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they havent met!
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because thats where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. Whats a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
02
Jan
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat