While vacationing in the hills of Arkansas, the big city man discovered he had no writing paper at all for his personal correspondence.
He went into the small town near-by and found only an old-fashioned country store. Behind the counter was a really nice looking young lass, quite obviously a local farm girl.
He asked, Do you keep stationery?
Well, she giggled, I can…until I have an orgasm, then I just go plain wild and crazy!
Llega Pepito a la pulperÃa y le dice al pulpero:
Buenas, tiene arroz.
El pulpero reponde que sà y Pepito le dice:
Que bien, entonces deme una lata de atún.
El pulpero se enoja y le da la lata de atún. Al sigiente dia llega Pepito de nuevo a la pulperÃa y le dice:
Tiene salsa de tomate.
El pulpero se dispone a alcanzarla y Pepito le dice:
Bueno, deme un helado.
Al tiempo, ya harto el pulpero de Pepito, decide darle las quejas al padre del niño.
Buenas tardes, señor, le vengo a dar las quejas sobre Pepito.
Y el padre educadamente le pregunta que fue lo que hizo pepito, y el pulpero le contesta:
Todos los dÃas me llega a molestar a la pulperÃa preguntando por un producto y cuando se lo voy a dar me pide otro.
Y el padre enojado le dice:
No se preocupe que cuando llegue Pepito de la escuela me quito la faja y le pego UN PATADON!
These three guys were in hell when the devil said i will let you go to heaven of you can make this woman have a blue baby. There is a white guy a black guy and a chinese guy. The white guy makes a white baby with the woman. The black guy makes a black baby with the woman. The chinese guy somehow makes a blue baby and the devil asks how. The Chinese guy replies, Me Chinese me play tricks me put clorox on my dick.
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless, to say the helpdesk employee was fired: however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for Termination without Cause.
Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support Employee: Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you? Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.
What sort of trouble? Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
Went away? They disappeared.
Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? Nothing.
Nothing? Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.
Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out? How do I tell?
Can you see the c:prompt on the screen? Whats a sea-prompt?
Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen? There isnt any cursor: I told you, it wont accept anything I type.
Does your monitor have a power indicator? Whats a monitor?
Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on? I dont know.
Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that? Yes, I think so.
Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if its plugged into the wall. Yes, it is.
When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? No.
Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. Okay, here it is.
Follow it for me, and tell me if its plugged securely into the back of your computer. I cant reach.
Uh huh. Well can you see if it is? No
Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? Oh, its not because I dont have the right angle-its because its dark.
Dark? Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Well, turn on the office light then. I cant.
No? Why not? Because theres a power outage.
A power….A power outage? Aha! Okay, weve got it licked now. Do you still have the box and manuals and packing stuff you computer came in? Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Really? Is it that bad? Yes, Im afraid it is. Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them? Tell them youre too stupid to own a computer!
Two old guys, like 80 yrs. old, went to a whore house and told the woman at the door that they wanted the two most beautiful whores.
The woman was like, theyre old, what are they gonna know. So she sticks them in the two darkest rooms with blow-up dolls.
After they were done, they were walking out of the whore house and old guy #1 says to old guy #2, How was your whore?
#2 said She was horrible. She just laid there like she was dead. Well, how was your whore?
#1 goes She was a witch. #2 responds What do you mean a witch?
#1 says I bit her tit and she flew out the window!
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten oclock. Ten oclock came and went; no plumber; eleven oclock, twelve oclock, one oclock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasnt coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the ladys parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, Who is it?
He replied, Its the plumber.
He thought it was the lady whod said, Who is it? and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didnt happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, Who is it?
He said, Its the plumber!
He waited, and again the lady didnt come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, Who is it?
He said, Its the plumber!!!!!!!!
Again he waited; again she didnt come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, Who is it?; Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!! he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, A dead body! she exclaimed, Who is it?!
The parrot said, Its the plumber.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
AHH, THATS BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went a little bit too far in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.
Microsoft is trying to add some humor to its error messages in Windows 2000 and up. Here are a couple of examples:
* Printer not responding; Got a pen and paper handy?
* 3 things are certain in life: Taxes, death, and data loss.
Guess which has occured?
Q: What do you get when you mix lesbians and ice cream?
A: A Klondike Bar!
A small group of men were talking and one said Its a shame about Freds wife dying so suddenly.
Yeah said another. Did They have any children?
No, his wife was unbearable.
Thats not what you mean said another I believe she was inconceivable.
No another man explained, From what Fred said told me, she was insurmountable and inscrutable!