Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care. But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different. Trousers owners were walking him along a trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and was gesturing annoyingly at Trousers masters. This strange person spoke not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box and that he was pulling on a long rope. Seeing the sheer horror on his masters faces, Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into this annoying pseudo clowns leg. Trouser immediately got a sickened look in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue all over the ground in an effort to remove the mans foul essence from his mouth. For Trouser had learned that …. a mime is a terrible thing to taste.
Q: How many cryonicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four – One to ensure that the light bulb is certifiably dead, one to perfuse it with cryoprotectants, one to slowly cool it to liquid nitrogen temperature, and one to wait two hundred years for technology to advance sufficiently to revive it.
Cierto dÃa un hombre llega a un bar, antes de entrar promete no emboracharse… como garantÃa dice:
Para saber cuanto puedo tomar y parar para no emboracharme, cuando acabe de tomar una botella saldré del bar y leeré los avisos que quedan frente como referencia, y asà sabré cuando ya esté borracho.
Entra el hombre al bar, se toma la primera botella y sale al frente del bar y lee los siguientes letreros: NOTARIA – CACHARRERIA – HERRERIA y dice: estoy bien, estoy bien, todavÃa no me emboracho.
A los trenita minutos sale nuevamente y tambaleándose de un lado a otro lee nuevamente: NOTARIA – CACHARRERIA – HERRERIA.
Luego de otra hora sale el hombre que apenas puede mantenerse de pie diciendo:
Ahora voy a leer por que estoy bien, estoy bien…
Arruga el ceño y dice:
No te rÃas Candelaria Herrera…
Q:Why was the man at the dry cleaners always in a hurry?
A:Because he had pressing business.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
I knocked several times, but you werent in. – Opportunity
Q. Why does an Englishman close his eyes when he has sex?
A. Because he doesnt like to see a woman disappointed !!
Q. Why does an Australian man close his eyes when he has sex ?
A. Because he doesnt like to see a woman enjoy herself !!!!
Proof That Jesus Was Jewish:
1. He went into his fathers business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.
Proof That Jesus Was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
Proof That Jesus Was Puerto Rican:
1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was bilingual.
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.
Proof That Jesus Was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He worked in the building trades.
Proof that Jesus Was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot.
3. He invented a new religion and finally
Proof that Jesus Was Black:
1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldnt get a fair trial.
Boeings angling for yule order
Jean Godden — Times Staff Columnist
Heres an offer that Santa Clause may not be able to resist. Engineers at Boeing have done some figuring and they are convinced the Boeing 757 would make the perfect sleigh for Santa. (That, of course, assumes that Santa is ready to trade in the old buggy.)
Here are some stats:
- The 757 can seat Santa and 185 of his elves.
- The 757s lower cargo hold has space for 5,370 twelve-inch gift-boxed teddy bears.
- The 757 can fly the 3,416 miles from the North Pole to Seattle with just one stop. (It does 2,500 miles without refueling.)
- The 757, powered by two jet engines, can fly as fast as 500 mph. Reindeer are optional equipment.
- The 757 can operate in the North Pole climate. It has been certified for temperatures as low as minus 65 degrees Fahrenheit.
- The 757 has an autoland system that will allow Santa to land in weather conditions with near-zero visibility. (Rudolph, cry your eyes out.)
From The Seattle Times, Sunday, December 17, 1995.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.