Old and New Jokes

The media attention given John Glenns mission has convinced NASA to give more celebrities a shuttle ride in the name of science.

Who should be next, and why?

George Michael – Friction in a Weightless Environment.

Hanson – Analysis of the *_Mmmmm-Bop_* Comet.

Dan Quayle – Vacuum vs. Vacuum: Which is Emptier?

Pamela Anderson Lee – Survey of Heavenly Bodies.

(original source unknown)

What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections? A wine and cheese party!

Your so dumb, you climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: What is black and blue and brown lying in a ditch?
A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.

Facts that all budding Male Software Engineers (MSE) must know regarding Female Software Engineers (FSE) (Applicable to all SEs who have 0-3 years of experience in S/W industry.)

1. The probability that a FSE is beautiful is 0.004562314 and viceversa.

2. The miniscule proportion of the beautiful FSEs are either engaged or married.

3. An FSE will always ask a doubt to which you know the answer; to the MSE sitting next to you.

4. You will not know the answer to the doubt an FSE asks you.

5. An FSE will always phone you when you are not in your seat.

6. The probability that an FSE will send you an e-mail regarding something other than work is 0.0321459.

7. An MSE will always select an FSE in an interview if he feels she is more beautiful than his colleague FSEs. The probability that the FSE will get thru in the second round is 0.

8. An MSE will always brag about a beautiful FSE he selected in an interview. The probability that he will receive swear words after the FSE failed in the second round is close to 99%.

9. An FSE will never select another FSE in an interview if she feels the candidate is more beautiful than her.

10. The number of MSEs behind a (Miss _your company_) FSE is exactly equal to the number of MSEs in your company. The question of her marriage/engagement doesnt arise here.

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help.Oh Lord, please help me, Ive lost my business and if I dont get some money, Im going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.Well, lottery night arrived and somebody else won the prize. Joe again looked up and prayed … Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! Ive lost my business, my house and Im going to lose my car as well!Again, lottery night came and went and Joe still had no luck. Once again, he prayed … Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me?? Ive lost my business, my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I dont often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order!!Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the Lord himself: JOE, MEET ME HALFWAY ON THIS ONE … BUY A TICKET!

why did you come to look further ……..joke ended in subject.

A girl goes on a blind date.

The blind date hadnt been all that great, and she was relieved the evening was finally over.

At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, Hey! You wanna see my underwear?

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasnt wearing any underwear.

She glanced down and said, Nice design – does it also come in mens sizes?

An Ancient Greek man walks into a tailor and holds up a torn tunic. TAYLOR: Euripides? (You-rip-e-dees) MAN: Eumenedes?? (You-men-e-dees)

(Say it quickly, it works!)