How do you spell relief?
Answer: F A R T
27
Jan
26
Jan
One day there was two children playing doctor. A girl and a boy. The boy liftes his shirt and points at his nipples and said Ive got two of these, how about you?
So the little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy showed her his belly button. And the girl showed him hers. The little boy now getting upset, pulls dowm his drawers and points at his penis. The little girl pulled up her skirt and pushed her underwear to the side, but she searched and searched see couldnt find it. The little boy taunted her for about 5 minutes, then the girl ran home.
Soon enough she returned to the boys house and said My mommy told me when Im 15 years old, I could have has much of those as I want!
26
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Matthew!
Matthew who?
Matthew is pinthing my foot!
26
Jan
If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic.
26
Jan
Q: Why dont blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they cant get their head in the jar.
26
Jan
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.All set back here, Captain, came the reply, except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.
26
Jan
A guy was walking along the beach admiring the beautiful sunset when he noticed a young lady laying in the sand, she had no arms and no legs and was crying.
He goes over and asked what was wrong. She said, I am 21 years old, I have no legs and no arms and I have never been kissed.
So, he bends down and kisses her and she stops crying. He gets up to walk away and she starts to cry again.
Again, he asks her what is wrong.
She says, I am 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs and I have never been screwed.
So, he goes over to her, picks her up and throws her in the water, and says – there, now youre screwed!
25
Jan
Motongo era un negro que tenÃa mucho dinero y fue a la casa de su novia a pedirle a su madre la mano de su hija.
La señora era algo racista y no estaba de acuerdo con que su hija se casara con un negro, asà que en cuanto se enteró del motivo de su visita le dijo a Motongo:
Mi hija no se casa si su marido no tiene cuatro autos.
Motongo contestó:
Motongo quiere, Motongo compra.
Mi hija no se casa si su marido no tiene una mansión.
Motongo quiere, Motongo compra.
Por último la madre le dijo a Motongo:
Ella no se casa si su marido no la tiene de dos metros.
Y Motongo le contestó:
Motongo quiere, Motongo corta.
25
Jan
Estaban dos compadres inditos debajo de un arbol observando unos pajaritos, mientras sus mujeres estaban haciendo la comida.
Uno de ellos pregunta:
Oiga compadre ¿cómo sabe usted el sexo de los pajaritos?
El otro le dice:
Ay compadre fÃjese que yo no sé, pero mi esposa sabe mucho de eso deje le pregunto.
Entonces el indito va con su esposa que estaba en friega con las tortillas, amasando y todo eso y el señor le dice:
Oye vieja, ¿como sabes el sexo de los pajaritos?
Y la mujer bastante exasperda le contesta:
Pues fÃjate en su tamaño, el pájaro macho es más chico que la hembra.
Y el indito se va todo emocionado a contarle al compadre y se quedan impresionados por la sabidurÃa de su mujer.
Luego pregunta de nuevo el mismo indito:
Oiga compadre ¿y los árboles? ¿cómo sabe el sexo de los árboles?
Ay, pues no sé, deje le pregunto a mi mujer de nuevo…
Y ahà va el indito con su mujer de nuevo…
Oye vieja ¿como sabes si el árbol es macho o hembra?
La mujer aún más exasperada le dice:
Pos mira, ese árbol de allá donde estás con el compadre es macho.
El indito se queda sorprendido y le dice:
Güeno vieja, ¿y eso como lo sabes?
A lo que su mujer contesta:
¡POS QUE NO VES EL PAR DE HUEVONES QUE TIENE ABAJO!
25
Jan
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.