Old and New Jokes

A young newlywed was telling his friend about his wedding night.

Boy, was my girl dumb! She put a pillow under her ass intead of her head!

A little boy wanted to be Bill Clinton for Halloween, but he couldnt get door-to-door with his pants around his ankles.

God made

Adam bit

Noah arked

Abraham split

Joseph ruled

Jacob fooled

Bush talked

Moses balked

Pharaoh plagued

People walked

Sea divided

Tablets guided

Promise landed

Saul freaked

David peeked

Prophets warned

Jesus born

God walked

Love talked

Anger crucified

Hope died

Love rose

Spirit flamed

Word spread

God remained.

Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horny toad?
One says, Rib-it, rib-it, while the other says, Rub-it, rub-it.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Orson!
Orson who?
Orson buggy is about your speed!

I have run out of sick leave, so Im calling in dead.

Why do black people wear doo-rags?

You would too if you had pubes on your head.

A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech.

Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he cant read his notes. So he asks, Is there a pharmacist in the house?

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the days route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldnt get out of her room.

You cant get out of your room? the captain asked, Why not?

The stewardess replied, There are only three doors in here, she cried, one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says Do Not Disturb!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Frederick!
Frederick who?
Frederick Express!