Top twenty signs Iraq is getting used to the bombings

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again.
Instead of saying We are under attack, please take shelter, citizens are now told, Here we go again, you know the drill.
Everyone wears sunglasses all the time.
Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters.
Yesterdays lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was NBA Lockout Continues.
Every time a bomb explodes, Iraqi class clown yells out, Oh my Allah, youve killed Achmet! You INFIDELS!
Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the Tomahawk Chop.
Husseins latest address to the nation included the line, We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda….
Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad.
Baghdad Highs senior class has playfully painted a bulls-eye on the roof of the school.
Iraqi Television Network preempts Husseins speech to show Baywatch.
Instead of running down streets aflame screaming, people now run down rubble-strewn streets aflame screaming.
Maps of Baghdad being divided into numbered grids and sold on street corners to play Cruise Missle Bingo.
Baghdad weather girls point to the map and say, Scattered B-52 bombings and cruise missile strikes tonight through the early morning, with light rocket attacks tomorrow, clearing off by noon.
We could be killed by a bomb any second no longer an effective pickup line in Iraqi bars.
Children try to catch falling shrapnel on their tongues.
Every Iraqi citizen has been issued a catchers mitt.
Students anxiously listen to the radio each morning to listen for school closings.
Even the ever-hilarious Sorry, that was me – mustve been those BEANS I ate! jokes are wearing thin.

But the number ONE sign of indifference among the Iraqi populace …

Gag gift sales soar with the release of the new Magnetic Hat

Manufacturing

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

A guy and his friend go to a little coffee shop, and
the guy orders a hamburger. The guy behind the counter
spits in his hands and rubs them against each
other, grabs a chunk of ground beef from a dirty
bowl with flies flying around, and spits on the
grill. Then he puts the chunk of beef under his
armpit to make a patty and then throws the patty on
the grill.

The guy ordering the hamburger looks at his friend
and says, God damn, that is gross. The friend
says, Thats nothing, you should see how he makes
the donuts.

Question and answer Clinton joke

Poza publicata in [ Political ]

Q: Whats the best job a dumb blonde ever had?
A: Vice-president of the United States.

A Commandment for C Programmers

Poza publicata in [ Computer ]

9. Thy external identifiers shall be unique in the first six characters, though this harsh discipline be irksome and the years of its necessity stretch before thee seemingly without end, lest thou tear thy hair out and go mad on that fateful day when thou desirest to make thy program run on an old system.

Babies little girl!

Poza publicata in [ Tasteless ]

A little boy named little Johny runs upto his mom from outside and says Mommy, can little girls have babies?

Oh course not replies the mom and starts chopping some onions.

Great! Then little Johny runs outside and yells ITS OK! WE CAN PLAY THE GAME AGAIN!

Llega un borracho a su

Poza publicata in [ Chistes chistosos ]

Llega un borracho a su casa, a las 4 a.m., cantando a todo pulmón; sale su mujer y le reclama:

¡Cállate, que todo el vecindario se va a despertar!

¿Y qué?, prefiero ser borracho conocido que alcohólico anónimo.

Oye Venancio, quieres or mi

Poza publicata in [ Chistes chistosos ]

Oye Venancio, ¿quieres oír mi nuevo chiste?

Está bien Manolo, cuenta.

Di trece.

Trece.

¡La cola se te enverdece!

Venancio va fascinado con el chiste de Manolo y se encuentra a un amigo.

A ver, te voy a contar un chiste.

Bueno.

Di trece.

Trece.

¿Cómo iba? A ver, di otra vez trece.

Trece ¡caray!

Bueno, no me acuerdo como va, pero te va a salir una rama verde por el culo.

Female Hormones

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldnt drive…

The Incredible Golf Ball

Poza publicata in [ Golf ]

Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.



The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend – Hey, why dont you try this ball. He draws a green golf ball out of his bag.

Use this one – You cant lose it!



His friend replies, What do you mean you cant lose it?!!

The first man replies, Im serious, you cant lose it.



If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.



Obviously, his friend doesnt believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, Wow! Thats incredible! Where did you get that ball?



The man replies, I found it.



(Think about it… itll come to you

Confusion

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Q. What is the definition of confusion?

A. Two blind lesbians in a fish market.