Knock-knock
Whos there?
Honeycomb
honeycomb who?
Honeycomb your hair
09
Sep
09
Sep
One day,little Timmy was at school and heard the word shit. He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him coats and jackets.
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word fucking, and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said cooking.
Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words bitches and hoes. He went home and his father told him it meant grandpa and grandma.
Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says…
Hey bitches and hoes! Ill take your shit to the closet cause dads in the kitchen fucking the turkey!
09
Sep
It was a average day in Bobbys first grade class. Around 11:00 he had to go to the bathroom, so he raised his hand and ask the teacher. The teacher noticed this pattern and asked him a question Bobby, if you want to go to the restroom, you have to recite the A-B-Cs Bobby being a below average student slowly recited
a-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z
The teacher noticed that he was missing a letter so the teacher replied Umm..Bobby, what happen to the p? Bobby replied Oh, Im sorry Ms.Swanson, but its runnung down my leg
09
Sep
Did you hear the one about the rope?
Nah, Ill skip it!
09
Sep
There were two blonds on their way to Disney World.
When they were getting close there was a sign that read, DISNEY WORLD LEFT,
So they turned around and went home.
08
Sep
Como todas las cosas, también los refranes mexicanos cambian con el tiempo:
Ladrón que roba a ladrón… vive en el Distrito Federal.
La suerte de la fea… a la bonita le vale madre.
Mucho antes cae un hablador… si es cojo.
Más vale prevenir… que amamantar.
Sale más caro el caldo… si lleva albóndigas.
Palo dado… ¡adiós, loquita!
Ojos que no ven… pies que pisan caca.
El que no habla… Dios lo hizo mudo.
La excepción a la regla… dura 9 meses.
En el paÃs de los ciegos… el tuerto se hace güey.
CrÃa cuervos… y tendrás un chingo.
Camarón que se duerme… amanece de coctel.
Ãrbol que crece torcido… se le caen los pajaritos.
De tal palo… nacieron mis hijos.
El que rÃe al ultimo… no entendió el chiste.
08
Sep
Un viernes en la tarde llegan tres vampiros a un bar. Uno de ellos le pide al cantinero un shot de sangre bien caliente; se lo sirvieron y de inmediato se lo mandó.
El segundo pidió un rancho de borracho con buena sangre para que le llegara bastante alcohol; se lo sirvieron y se lo tomó con calma.
El tercero pidió un vaso con agua bien caliente. El cantinero, extrañado, le pregunta que por qué pedÃa eso. Entonces, el vampiro saca una toalla sanitaria usada y le informa que es para prepararse un té.
08
Sep
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The following exchange takes place…. The man says, Whats
the problem officer?
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. (The man gives his wife
a dirty look.)
Officer: Im also going to give you a ticket for your broken
tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didnt know about a broken tail
light!
Wife: Oh Harry, youve known about that tail light for weeks.
(The man gives his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: Im also going to give you a citation for not
wearing your seatbelt.
Man: Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to
the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt.
The man turns to his wife and yells, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
The Officer turns to the woman and asks, Maam, does your
husband talk to you this way all the time?
The wife says, No, only when hes drunk.
08
Sep
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
08
Sep
That shoe fits him like a glove.