Old and New Jokes

A student walks into a car showroom and after a long talk with a
salesman, he picks the car he wants to buy.

— Do you have the cash to pay for it, Sir, or will you be making
a hire purchase agreement?

— Ill buy it on HP, thanks.

So the student dictates his details to the salesman, who fills in the HP
application. Then, to the salesmans astonishment, he signs at the
bottom of the form with a big cross and a little cross.

— What are these crosses?

— Well, the big cross is my name and the little cross is BSc
(Agriculture).

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came


back.


She replied, So did my arthritis.

so there is this guy crossin the street.when suddenly he notices a car bearing down on him. the man jumps left, and the car swerves left, he jumps right the car swerves right, at the last moment the man panics and freezes.the car locks the brakes slides sideways right up to the man and lurches to a halt. just then the drivers window rolls down. a squirrel sticks his head out the window and says Its fucked up isnt it

I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and others speak of the Homosexual Agenda, but no one has ever seen a copy of it.

Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below:

6:00 am Gym

8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)

9:00 am Hair appointment

10:00 am Shopping

12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM

Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,
Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,
Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,
bulldoze all houses of worship, and
Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest

4:00 PM Cocktails

6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)

8:00 PM Theater

11:00 PM Bed (du jour)?

Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe.

A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV gos on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech.

The man yells, Theres a horses ass

A guy gets up and punches him..

Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same, Theres a horses ASS..

He then got punched again.. So he says to the bartender, What is this Clinton country..

The bartender says no, Horse country

Un matrimonio llega a la admisión de urgencias del centro de salud de su barrio. El marido con el pene en la mano y su mujer con una gran quemadura en el hombro y la cabeza llena de chichones. Cuando el médico les ve, intrigado les pregunta:

¿Qué les ha pasado que vienen así?

Ha sido un accidente doméstico.

¿Un accidente doméstico y vienen de esta manera? ¿Cómo ha sido?

Pues verá: esta mañana salí de casa hacia el trabajo y, cuando eran aproximadamente las doce, vi que había olvidado coger unos documentos. Así que volví a recogerlos. Cuando llegué a la cocina encontré a mi mujer desnuda haciendo una tortilla de patatas. La acaricié con tanta ternura que ella se volvió hacia mí y empezó a besarme en el cuello. Fue bajando y besándome hasta introducir mi pene en su boca. Entonces, vi que la tortilla de patatas se quemaba; cogí la sartén por el mango elevándola para darle la vuelta en el aire, con tan mala suerte que no acerté al bajarla, y le cayó a mi mujer en la espalda. Ella, al quemarse, apretó los dientes y me mordió en el pene y yo, para que me soltara, cogí el rodillo de cocina y le di unos cuantos golpes en la cabeza.

¿Qué le dijo un globo a otro globo?

I globe you.

¿Qué le dijo un guante a otro guante?

I guant you.

¿Qué le dijo un foco a otro foco?

I fuck you.

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

Look at their reserve, their calm, muses the Brit. They
must be British.

Nonsense, the Frenchman disagrees. Theyre naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French.

No clothes, no shelter, the Russian points out, they have
only an apple to eat, and theyre being told this is
paradise. They are Russian.