Estaba un negro totalmente perdido en el desierto del Sahara, sin agua, sin comida, sin nada, totalente solo… en eso en uno de sus últimos pasos descubre una pequeña lámpara mágica. Sorprendido, la frota con gran ansiedad y fe de salvarse.
Se le aparece un genio que le dice:
A ver, ya que me despertaste te voy a conceder tus tres deseos, pero dÃmelos todos juntos para ahorrar tiempo. Entonces el negro se queda pensando unos segundos y dice:
¡Ya los tengo¡ Primero, quiero ser blanco, mi segundo deseo es ver muchos culos, sÃ, ver muchos culos, y por último… quiero quitarme la tremenda sed que tengo, asà que quiero que nunca más me falte el agua. Listo, esos son mis tres deseos.
Y entonces le dice el genio:
¡Deseos concedidos!
Y lo comvierte en un escusado (retrete).
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
1. select Bait
2. select hole
3. pull out big rod
4. cast rod in
5. go upstream not down
6. pay for bait when finished
7. leave with chatch
Posted in General / Unsorted |
This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class.
1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, Quite right, old bean!
2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector.
3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points.
4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond thats my name, dont wear it out!
6. Introduce yourself to the class as the master of the pan flute.
7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow.
8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.
9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
Posted in School |
A nuncio, where they exist, has the rank of an ambassador.
While in Paris, Roncalli once said: You know, its rough being
a papal nuncio. I get invited to these diplomatic parties where
everyone stands around with a small plate of canapes trying not
to look bored. Then, in walks a shapely woman in a low-cut,
revealing gown, and everyone in the whole place turns around
and looks–AT ME!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Little Lee was acting up, so he was sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: Da-ad…
What?
Im thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?
No. You had your chance. Lights out.
Five minutes later: Da-aaaad…
What?
Im thirsty… Can I have a drink of water?
I told you NO! If you ask again Ill have to spank you!
Five minutes later… Daaaa-aaaad…
WHAT?!
When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?
(via Aiken Drum, Rodney & Cathy, HorridScopes)
Posted in General / Unsorted |
We now live in a country where we have no President but we do have …
a dead Senator from Missouri going to Congress.
a fake President played on TV by Martin Sheen.
a new Senator from New York who used to be the wife of the boss of the man who may be President.
a Governor from Florida who is the brother of the man who may be President and son of a man who was.
a sitting President whose wife now will be hanging around the same men who voted to remove him from office.
a senior Senator from South Carolina who, under our current Constitution rules, could be appointed to be President in this standoff despite the fact that he is 98.
a potential Vice President who, because he did not take his name off the Connecticut Senate race, could end up being the deciding factor in how the Senate is composed.
And finally …
A state where a Republican Secretary of State and a Democratic Attorney General try to determine the outcome of 25 electoral votes without appearing to be partisan.
Any questions? Frankly, I dont see what the confusion is all about.
(Anonymous)
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldnt put it down?
Whats the formula for water? -H-two-O Whats the formula for an ice cube? -H-two-O-CUBED
Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron
The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners.
Their idea of a catalyst:
2 bags of cat litter
3 cans of cat food
1 can of flea powder
1 collar
Q: How do you get lean molecules?
A:Feed them titrations.
Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?
A: Because its polar.
Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory?
His business went insolvent.
Q: Whats the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon.
Posted in Science |
Un tipo está parado en una esquina fumándose un pucho; en eso ve un Renault Megane último modelo, amarillo, parado en el semáforo. Del interior del auto, un sujeto le hace señas:
VenÃ, aguantá que estaciono.
El tipo se acerca al vehÃculo con admiración:
¿Qué hacés, jetón? ¿Qué hacés? ¡Mirá la plata que hiciste! ¿Te ganaste el loto?
No, laboro en los baños de Constitución.
¿Cómo?
SÃ, escucha: yo entro al baño y hago que estoy meando; cuando entra un tipo a mear, saco la navaja, le agarro la poronga y le digo: me das la plata o te la corto. Y asà saco $700 mangos por dÃa.
¡Uh, qué bueno! ¿Vos crees que yo podrÃa probar?
Y sÃ, todo depende de vos. Toma, esta es la navaja, anda, hace lo que te conté y mañana hablamos, ¡dale!
¡Dale!
Al otro dÃa se encuentran de nuevo estos dos personajes:
¿Y cómo te fue?
Bárbaro, hice $40 mangos.
¿Eso sólo?
SÃ, pero… ¡Mirá la poronga que me traje, pelotudo!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Yo momma so damn heavy that when she stands on the scales to get weighed it says TO BE CONTINUED!
Posted in Yo Mama |
For the millionth time, stop exaggerating.
Posted in One Liners |