Q: What do cannibals make out of politicians?
A: Bologna sandwiches.
30
Sep
30
Sep
Yo mammas so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!
30
Sep
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
30
Sep
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. They have machines that do that now.
A2: Only one, but hell break ten bulbs before figuring out that they cant just be pushed in.
A3: One, but only after asking, Why? (Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?)
A4: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
A5: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
29
Sep
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brothers tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
29
Sep
Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A: You can tune a guitar but you cant tuna fish.
29
Sep
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
29
Sep
POST GAME DISCUSSION
Two Rams fans were standing at a bar. The one fan said to the other, You know, the Patriots might have won the Super Bowl, but their fans are such assholes!
A man walked up to them and with a mad look on his face said, I find that statement offensive!
One of the Rams fans replied, Oh, you must be a Patriots fan.
No, the man said, Im an asshole!
29
Sep
Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.
Ive found CTC to be the cheapest plan around, offered one.
CTC? Who are they?
You know… he responded. Call Them Collect.
(via Aiken Drum, Rodney & Cathy, HorridScopes)
29
Sep
So Sven and Ole were out working in the forest one day. They had just gotten jobs as lumber jacks. Well one say they were working along cutting down all the trees that had the big red X on them.
As instructed by the foreman they were to yell TIMBER! whenever the tree was about to fall. Ole was cutting down a tree and yelled Timber and all of a sudden he saw a skidder pulling a tree out of the woods drive right under where the tree was about to fall. There was nothing he could do about it.
The tree fell on the cab killing poor ol DooDah. That was his name for his parents gave it to him. He was a young man recentley married. Well Sven and Ole didnt know what to do, so they called the priest and he said to go talk and comfort DooDahs now widow.
Well they walked out of the forest into town and arrived at the widows house. They were dumbfounded and didnt know what to think or say. So quickly as the fact the tree fell…..Sven rang the doorbell.
A few minutes later the widow DooDah appeared at the door. Sven says that Ole has something to say. Hes at a loss of words and all that comes out of his mouth is GUESS WHO DIED IN THE WOODS TODAY ….!